Cathy's Daily Memories

Memories

2011-06-15T12:26:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was 2 yrs that Mason Hoffman passed. I still remember the day clearly. I was going to write in this blog today all the events that happened that die that he passed. And I started to write all about it. Then I said NO! I am not going to do this, Mason would not want me to.

So instead I am going to write about all the good times we shared together. I met Mason in chat and he is the one that kept insisting that I go to the SG meetings. I remember he kept bugging me about them. So I finaly decided to go to one and that is were I met Mason in person. He was sorta shy at first. But he had a great smile and very handsome young man I may add! We had lunch at diff times, with his mom and a few other PH friends. The another time we had lunch with his Dad and another PH friend! They were happy times. and the food was delicious!lol. In chat he was so cute and funny.. he always made us LOL. Telling us make up stories. He was very informative also! He would help out with any information that he could! I remember him always telling me. You have to take care of you! I remember farming with him, he would ask me. Cathney are u buying FT coins?lol he thought i was spending real money on FT! I told him the secret. I said you have to go to market and say hi ( dont beg though) and tell people you want to work!:) We had alots of fun. I know that their are other good memories about him. But I CRS right now! lol

I miss Mason very much and yes I get sad! But.... then I think and say to myself, He is in a better place where he no longer suffers and he can breathe easy!

I love you Buddy! You will forever be in my heart.. and until the day we meet again! Ride that DirtBike of yours and BREATHEEEE :)))

(((Hugz))) to all :)

Cathy

Shutmedown

2011-06-12T17:54:00.000-07:00

HI all :)
I havent been here ufffff... In a long time, I really dont know where to start on this.
I am going through a really tuff time right now.. My daughter who told me that she would help me out after I got out of hosp. told me she was busy when I called her and asked if she could come change sheets on my bed! Pleaseee how long can that take a healthy person to do that? 10-15 minutes? Aha but no time to do it... she is very busy with all the kids soccer practice is what she told me. Oh well...
My son Carlos has left, he no longer lives here... His girlfriend had the nerve to come onto my property and come into my gargage after she called me a Terrible Mother and a Crazy Fat Fuckin Bitch! Yeap thats what she called me.. I told Carlos and he just ignored it. Well the day that his GF had the nerve to come on to my property I told her... Get out of my propery! I said... you have the nerve!! ANd of course Carlos ran to her defense. I told him.. she disrespected me and u r disrespeting me also by allowing her to come back here.. He said she tiold u that becuz the way u treated her.. OK>> so I ddint talk to her... after I saw that she was a LAZY ASS SLOB.. she didnt even pick up her own bedroom and bathroom! What does that tell u about her... I was never rude to her and would say bye to her when she said it to me! Even though she was rude to me many times ( I didnt bother telleing carlos cuz he would jsut defend her) So back to that day... He told me u r not going to have me pick between u and her.. I said I am not asking u to do so! But I dont not wnat her in or on my property.. I told him be with her.. marry her if thats what u want.. but not here! So he said he was gonna leave.. I told him well that on you! Ur disission.. so he left. If he does comes he just goes into hir room.. stays about 5 mins the most then he leaves.
So now to my other son.. His wife, who BTW is a Christain and has strong believes... Wont allow me to see my son or my grandkids! Yeap she wont! I send him a text today telling him that I wanted to see them... he texts me back and tells me.. that I need to talk to her OMG!! What does he want?? for me to go on my knees begging to her to let me see my OWN son and grankids? That will nver happen.. Well this is all making me sick to my heart.. I ache so much right now. And I am shutting down like I usually do when I get upset about my kids.
I wish I could just NOTcare.. but I do.. its not easy being a mother.. I thought I had brought up my kids well.. but I guess I ddint.. And I striongly believe what they are telling me and what they think of me! Yeap that I am a TERRIBLE Mother... hell yea! its true.. not only does one of my kids beleieve that ALL of my 3 kids beleive that! AND now to top it off their GF and wife are telling me the samething... I cant take it anymore.. I just cant! I dont know what to do..

Love to all!

Im back

2010-08-14T10:52:00.000-07:00

Gosh so many things going on here at home, was/is having problems with Carlos and his GF.. lazy! I was having alot of stress and aches and pains. So many problems and slow solutions!

My heart seems to be worker harder also, so Ph Dr decided to put me on new heart med. This is the first time I will be taking a heart med. Its called Digitoxin, or something like that, you know me and giving meds new names when I forget how to spell them! Ok so so far I have gotten nausea, I feel like barfing, the first day I got a dizzy spell for a few seconds. I am not sure if this new med is gonna work for me, I mean just by gettin up from Willie to go to the bathroom my heart starts racing.. so we will see. Oh and BTW one thing I need to watch with this pill is that I cant eat fiber 1 hr before or 1 hr after I take the pill.. because fiber causes you to go potty and apperently you will crap that baby out! But... ok... so what about the Remo crapping... I mean Remo makes me go crap also! So I'm i supposed to hold it and wait?? Hmmm I dunno about that! Crap crap crap!

Weather has been nice here in So Calif lately mid upper 80's and chilly at night brrrr. But It supposed to get HOT again upper 90's starting tomorrow Sunday.... grrrr I hate Hot I have to stay indoors if not I will pay dearly! I did take advantage though and bought some new soil that my sister recommended to me. Its called Mositure Control by Miracle Grow, so I redid some planted pots and U bought a few new pots that I found on clearance at Target and also some dead lookin impatients and starbrust flowers.. all they needed was some love, attention, a clip here a clip there some vitamins water and WaaaLaaa.. pretty plants :) I love plants, Carlos gets mad at me when I buy plants, (well he gets mad everytime I buy something) And he tells me more plants? Why do you need more plants. You know he is my son and I love him sooo much but he is getting on my nerves! And that is not good!

Now on the Bead front? I did finally get my business cards... yayyyy. Carlos did them for me and he also came up with the name for me. Its called "JustBeadItNow" I kinda like it... The cards are pink background and they have a beaded "awareness ribbon" in periwinkle color. I will post maybe at some other time.. Ok so why ahvent I been beading? Well I really got discouraged over something that happened a few months ago. I think it really affected me and what I am/was able to do or create with beads, I have always gotten alot of compliments on my work and that would always make me feel good. Trying not to copy anyone and just trying to come up with my own ideas! Or designs made me feel even better. Well now I feel that its not worth it anymore. I have all these beads and supplies and I just do not have the motivation to start up again. I was actually even thinking of just boxing everything and putting it all away, but I've been asked about Christmas colors now so i dont know.. maybe maybe not. It will ahve to take something really BIG to get me out of this rut that I feel now about beading!

Well thanks for reading, hope u all ahve a great day!

Hugs
Cathy

Conference, big surpirse, conference and assumptions

2010-06-29T17:45:00.000-07:00

So I decided that even after having some issues here at home that I was not gonna let that forbid me from going to conference. I waited till the last minute to pack, lol. But I finaly did and Carlos took me on my merry way to the hotel at Garden Grove, where the 2010 PHA Conference was gonna be held. We checked in and rested for awhile. I receved a text from Jas a PHriend that she had landed and was on her way to hotel. I decided to go down to lobby to meet with her and as I was strolling down the lobby I see her in the registration line, see shes me right away also and starts moving towrds me! I say to her no no dont get outta line I will come to you. I reach her and we give each other a big hug! It was so awesome to get to finaly meet her. We go up to her room that she was gonna share with Aylce another Phriend she introduces me to Alyce and a friend of Alyce! It was so nice to meet Alyce also, she is a very cool lady and I really liked her friend also. Next day Marcia, Ellen, Drini and Ali arrive it was very nice to meet ali also and good to see Drini, Marcia and Ellen again.. oh and I also met Hooper, Ellen's husband. We went and had dinner with Dale and Laura, Mason's dad and sister, It was a very nice dinner,, Marcia and I ended up talking about Mason's farm in Farmtown, that was funny we were gettinfg funny looks from Ellen , lol.

So later on that evening while back at Hotel I meet some more PHriends and what? to my surprise! I saw something that I was NOT expecting to see over there at conference. I mean my jaw just dropped I my chest started aching, my heart racing and I just wannted to throw-up! This was very stressful for me and I let the other party involved know exactly how I felt about it! I had to EAT verything up and ACT like if nothing had happened and contiunue on with conference.

We then went up to my room I had taken Coronitas, a Cornonita bucket (like the ones they ahve at resturant) salt and limes. I also took some Tequila and some shot glasses. Carlos helped me set everything up and Phriends started to arrive. Drini, Ali, Marcia, Jas, Ellen, Hooper and then Stu. Ellen and Hooper brought some wine and goodies. We had hotel maintence come and hook up Karokee for us so we had our shot of tequila, a few had coronitas and we started singing, both english and spanish songs.. that was really fun! We all had a great time. The other days were spent in sessions, talking eating and hust hanging out and meeting other Pher's.

Fast forward to Sunday. I come home and deciced to ck my emails and stuff. I see this email from the same person that I let know how I felt. I was told how this person felt in this email, which was fine! But with the ASSUMPTION that I did NOT get affected by all this and that this did NOT make me sick to my stomach! I ahve been more then kind and generous with this person and it really tikcs me to think that I am not allowed to feel.. I am also human and I also ahve PH.

I also started wondering about those that are my Phriends.. and never contacted me via text to ask me how I was at conference NOT ONE TEXT.. oh yeah I could of sent them a text.. but.. I didnt want them to think that I was bragging/ So hmmmm just make me wonder??

I decided that I would not ALLOW no one to take advantage of the fact that I am a nice person. I wish I were a mean BITCH and NOT give a hoot about anyone else.. but I cant be that way.. but I am sure gonna try not to let people step all over me.. I also realized that asking others to do things for me isnt such a good idea! I need to learn to STOP! lol

So I am home. I am glad to be home, but I sure wish I would of had more time to be with my PHriends. I miss them so much already :)

I know that when I am MAD as hell that I says things that may have hurt others, but when I realize wht I ahve done I do aplogize but others have to realize what they have also done. And I am not saying this because I want an apology or want anyone to keep apologizing to me beacuase I will not do that my self ( I mean keep saying I am sorry over and over again) But I need others to realize that I also HAVE feelings!

Thnx for reading

Cathy

June 14th was a year

2010-06-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

That mt best of bestess buddy Mason, went to Heaven. I went to go see him at hospital. My son Carlos, that also knew Mason took me. I have never liked visiting people in hospitals. But I knew I had to go see him. And.... I had to say good-bye to him. I went in behalf of some PH friends. I held his hand and I told him that it was ok, that everything was gonna be ok. I think that was one of the most difficult days of my life. After we left the hospital, I received the call that I was dreadin, he was gone.. I was told that he passed as soon as we had left the hospital, Carlos and I cried and cried so much.

I sill miss him very much, he was soooo young and I wish he would of gotten a second chance at life, but he didnt. I ask why, even though we are told we are not supposed to ask. I still do. I know he is in a better place and not suffering. So that makes it a bit better.

On another note. I have being going through s ruff time right now. At first I didnt know what the heck was going on, and I was like going crazy and just crying and cying every single day every single minute. Seems that everything was going wrong. Not just here at home. All I wanted to do is sleep. I would get up take my meds and go back to bed. Sleep sleep and more sleep.. Just to tyr to forget. Well things are a bit better now.. still not good and I really ahve no idea what the heck is next. But I am a bit calmer. I am still sleeping alot. Which is good, for me. I am trying to concentrate on PH Conference. I've been trying to bead, but cant seem to get into the bead mode.. Things happen that you jsut dont expect and that just turns the bead mode off.. well for me anyways. Conference is next week and I have not finished what I wanted to finish by that time. Maybe its isnt meant for me to take my Jewelry to conference, Maybe it jsut isnt meant for me to bead anymore.. I dunno.. I try to start beading and I do, but then I remember things and just leave everything unfinished and go to the living room. I cant get into it..

Now the other day I went shopping and I took the bus as usual and went to the stores that I normally go to. On my way home about 2 blocks (very long blocks) I notice that Willie aka my wheelchair was running on low, uh oh! I started PHreaking out! I thought I wasnt gonna make it home and was gonna be stuck in the middle of the street when crossing. I had to stop every ferw minutes turn willie off and restart. I prayed that I would get home and willie not die on me. I finally got home, poor willie chugged, chugged and chugged away but he did not fail me :) Ok so I put willie to charge, in the eveing i had to go get my Rx from pharmacy, so there I go on willie again. I was at crosswalk and some cars stopped so that I could cross. I was in the middle of cross walk and all of a sudden I see this car turning right into me.. OMG I just screamed and I guess the A/H heard me and he looked!! He had to swerve sp? away to avoind hitting me! I yelled at him crying and said YOU A/H. He jsut looked at me and took off. I just stayed there and the people from the cars that had let me go bye. Had to get off and ask me if I wa alright I was jsut crying and crying. I finally got control of myslef and continued on to the sidewalk. Heck thats not me way of dying! Being hit by a car! We tried to get his license plate # but he took off sooo fast that we just couldnt read it!

Ok I guess this is it for now.. til next time.

Thnx for reading!

Cathy

2010-03-17T15:22:00.000-07:00

Disappointments and Decissions...

So here I am again, it seems that all I wanna do is vent :(
Last week one of my sis calls me and tells me that she is now going to make bracelets like the ones I make to start selling. I had mentioned to a few family members that it was going good for me as far as the sales. When I first started making the Swarsovski Crystal Bead Bracelets ( years ago) I gave to all my female family members one or two each of their fav color.. They loved them so much that I decided to start giving them as gifts! So one one of my sis decided to start making them for herself (like mine) and then started making them for gifts. Well now she is making them to sell.
I was sooooo mad!! Do I have a right to be? I feel this is my thing? And she could of easily told the person of interest that I make them! Instead of saying yeah! I will make you one to sell to you!
A Phriend asked me to make a certain color bracelets and to start selling them. I said hey! Thats a good idea! I can even make the pins that color! I told her. So I mentioned it to a few people and I even mentioned it in chat that I was looking for a certain color bead to make these bracelets. I even asked for advice about colors!
Now to my surprise it turns out that someone else came up with the same idea! The same idea that my PHriend told me about back in February! Iwas like what? So I decided not to do them. I decided that I was only going to make one for my Phriend. I was very disappointed about this. And now to top it off I have absolutely no mood for beading. I dont even want to continues to make the PH Perwinkle Pins that I have been making. I dont want to do anything that ahs to do with beads right now! And the saod part is that I love beading.. One day in chat I even came up with a name for another me and another PHriend... I said we are HEAVEY BEADERS! I even wanyted to try to change my Etsy site to HEAVEY BEADER! But now :( I just want to let it be.
I go into my PC/Beading Room and try to start to bead and I cant concentrate.. Maybe my beading days are over.. I dont know! Im I wrong on this also? Should I not be upset that someone else wants to do my idea? I really need advice on both these beading issues?
Anway so as far ad PH I am stable no increases right now, hopfully not for a while.. but I havent been sleeping that well. And this has nothing to do with the time change, it started before the time change. So I dunno what to think of that?

Hope you all have a good day.. thanx for reading

Cathy

Displays.....

2010-02-04T14:13:00.000-08:00

OK, So ive been trying to stary busy with my beading. I have made quite a few bracelets, not many sales yet :( But im hopeful.
I decided to go online and check out displays for my jewelry.. OMG they are soooo expensive!! So I decided to go on another mission and look for used ones at swapmeet. We can actually go to a swapmeet over here everyday cept Monday!! LOL... I LOVE IT!! OK, so I went and looked and looked and no luck! Darn it when I need or want something I can never find it and when I dont it its right there! Grrrrrr!! Anyway I saw alot of displays but... the sellers didnt want to part with them because they were using them for their own jewelry. So i decided to go take another route.. hmmmm I started thinking (not my kind of thing to do). And I said to myself I will look for items that are not necessarly for jewelry but... can be used for it. I found quite a few things that I was able to use. I didnt find them all in one day. But I did find some. And they have turned out pretty good as displays.
First this is a pair metal tealight holders that I bought for $4.00 a pair! They are dragonflys so I can use the wings to hang bracelets and the shade I can use to hang earrings. My husband said he could even drill some tiny, tiny holes on the shade for better hanging of earrings :)

This next one is actually a vase its two hands together and I like it to display a bracelet. I paid 50 cents for it! Yes .50 cents :)

This next one is a half statue of a lady, she is sorta scratch, but when I saw her I just loved her and had to have her! I paid $4.00 for her.

This is the same statue but I put my pink hat on her, lol. BTW she is also a good hat holder :)

This next one is a cup holder, I use this to hang strands of beads and I alsi use it to holder my beading wire spool! I paid $1.00 for it.

This next one I actually did buy new online and its a bracelet display folder. I take this with me when I go places and when people ask about my jewelry that I have one. I bring it out. This was about $10.00 plus shipping :)

OK so this are some of my GREAT finds I still have a few more, but those might be shared next time :) So you see if you set your mind to it and think, lol... You can actually find some nice things and dont have to spend an arm and a leg!

So another note.. Ive been increasing Remo, first I got a really bad bad tummy ache that last a few days! And now I have bad bad foot pain, I am taking so many drugs for pain and I dont relly like the way I feel. Im waiting to see what my PH Dr. advices and what I should do. In the meantime I did go down on Remo 1 nano.. see if that helps :)

Thanks for reading!!

Cathy

It's Been Awhile

2010-01-23T22:17:00.000-08:00

So I've been gone.. hmm cant remember the last time I posted on my blog... oh well CRS is part of PH :)

So anyway, been thoough alot of changes since then. My baby Carlos, is now living with his older brother and going to The Art Institute of San Bernardino. He is 18 and he is going for his Associates Degree. I am proud of him, I miss him alot, but in the long run I guess its better he is with his Bro. He has alot of homework and since his bro is almost a graduate of the same school he helps him with his homework and things that he doesnt understand. And his BIG bro takes care of him. He does come to see me when he gets a chance, more than my other kids! LOL. I wish I could see him every day but thats not possible and I understand that. I am sorta glad (sorta) that he is not here to see me going on with this DAMNed PH, he saw me go through it at first and he was younger and I dont want that for him, I want him to concentrate more on his school and not have to deal with me and my stuff :)

My PH Dr left for Boston, Mass so that was really hard on me, it was like if it was the end of the world when I heard about that.... well yeah, maybe not that end of the world, but I guess you would have to be in my shoes to understand. I just could not believe that he would leave, but it did happen.

So I had to choose another PH Dr because I still wanted to go to UCSD. My new PH Dr is ok.. I need to get used to him, LOL or him of me :) Hmmm I wonder what will come first? I am glad though to still have my same PH nurse Sandee :) she is a doll, she is my best special PH nurse ever! LOL. I care for her alot, not just as my nurse but as a real friend.

I had my yearly RHC on Jan 5th, and after a long year of Remo and its sides! I did NOT IMPROVE, I didnt get WORSE, either but I was hoping I was getting better. So now I have been increasing my Remo and I have been dealing with lots more sides, it seems. I tend to feel more depressed and I tend to shut down from the rest of the PH world! I am having way more BAD days than GOOD days, and Im not happy with that :( I am sleeping better at night and I am taking more naps LOL. Naps are good :) well sometimes they are.. hehehe. I have also been trying to stay busy with my beading, it takes my mind off of other things.. like PH. I have set up website on Esty for my jewelry, but its not as easy as I thought.... I guess it takes time. I came up with some new designs for bracelets and I am hoping I can post them tomorrow on my site. OMG they look so pretty danty (sp)? I like danty :)

OK I guess this is all for now, hope I dont take forever again to post :) Thanks for reading.

HUGS

Cathy

But You Don't Look Sick

2009-11-04T21:37:00.000-08:00

I wish I looked as good as I feel. I get alot of...... wowww you look so good! If people only knew what we PHer's have to go through to make ourselfs look good. Most of the time my smiles are fake! Sometimes I hate taking pics, and whoever takes them always makes me smile. And sometimes I feel so terrible that I don't want to smile. My pics come out with a BIG smile on my face, therefore people assume that I feel GREAT! I have not felt GREAT in a very long time. I can say that sometimes I feel ok or maybe even good, but not GREAT! When you have PH there are alot of BAD days for us... more bad then good! We take one day at a time. That is the only way we can do this. PH is a disease that takes everything out of us. We need a cure. Fight for our cause! And don't assume that because we look good we feel good!
Thanks for reading :)

Cathy

November is PH Awareness Month

2009-11-01T20:58:00.000-08:00

I cant say I will post everyday. November is PH Awareness Month. And I will write about how it affected my husband, children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters and ME. We need to spread the word out. Many patients are misdiagnosed each day. It is very frustrating when you are told by Dr's that there is nothing wrong with you! You know something is wrong, but they tell you different. And when you are finally told what you have, it feels like if something was just lifted off of you, like a BIG relief. Even though you are told that you have a LIFE threathing disease, you are glad that you finally know what you have!
It has been very hard on me and my family. So much confusion so many tears, to much acceptance, alot of pain. So many downfalls. But... I am glad that I know what I have. I know what I can expect. I know my limits, even though sometimes I am overhelmed. And sometimes, yes I over do it and pay for it the next day... but stubborness is a part of me that well.. will never go away.... Please speard the word about PH and lets hope a cure is found soon!

On another note I started a new PH med on Saturday. Its called Adcirca. I am having the usaual side effects that go with this med, but I am hopeful that it will work for me and help me feel better. I don't ask for alot better just a bit :) The elephant that decided to come visit me and sit its PHat arse on my chest has finally gone back where it belongs, and my SOB is getting better. I am also much better with my stress and my sadness, its getting better, still there but... thnx to my bff JenC. I have a better attitude and I am doing better, I dont know what I would of done without her. Thank-you so much JenC... you are the best friend anyone could ever ask for :) And thnx for not leaving me in my time of need... luv ya

Cathy

Regrets... Forgive and Forget

2009-10-21T14:12:00.000-07:00

I know most of you have had regrets at one time or another. Ive had many some very painful ones. Sometimes in a rage, or anger or madness we say things that we dont really mean! But later its too late, even though I say I am sorry, its still there and will be for the rest of my life. I have regreted many things. Its hard for me to get over them.. yeah.. get over it, it's easier said then done, when it comes to me. When I say something or do something that I later regret I will apologize for it, once I realize the harm I have done. But I cant forget about it, not for awhile anyway. Now comes forgive and forget, yes I can always forgive but then I can't forget about it. I know I have to move on, but somethings what can be forgiven can not easily be forgotten. I have dealt with this for a very long timeand I am talkinga bout years and years. I have tried very hard to change this in me, but I guess the suffering just takes over and I can't. Back to regrets... One thing I know for sure is NOT regreting having my 3 kids. I love them sooo much that it hurts. I guess you have to be a mom to understand. I lost my parents at a young age and that hurt so much, that I cant imagine ever looseing one of my kids. And I can only imagine the pain and suffering a mother goes through if they ever loose a child, young or adult.

One good thing I do hve to say is that my only daughter has finally come around, and I hope its forever. She has been coming around for about 5 months now. And about 3 weeks ago she apologized to me for the way she treated me before and how she treated me as a teenager. She told me she was young and stupid and now she realizes what I went through and what it is to be going through that. It's kinda sad that she ahd to see for herself with her kids to come to me and apologize. But I'm happy that she finally did. I accepted her apology, ( and BTW I DID NOT TELL HER I TOLD YOU SO) I was just happy! She told me that she loved me and I told her I loved her also!

I've been still trying to deal with alot of caca in my life, PH and otherwise. Many mixed emotions and dissapointments. I have still been very sad and not thinking right. But someone has set me straight! And even though she did get me MAD!! And I don't agree with what she did. I am thankful that I have her in my life and I luv her! I guess we can agree to disagree??

Ok enough hope all is well with the rest of you!

Cathy

To vent or not to vent?

2009-10-05T15:58:00.000-07:00

I havent blogged in awhile, I do get reminders to do so, but just dont seem to be in the mood or ble to get around to it. But ive been thinking this is the best way to get things off my chest, mind or whereever they may be lurking.

A few weeks back, maybe a month or so ago. I was in chat with some other PHriends, the same ones as usuall, we were all joking around and something was said to me that I did not appreciate. I was upset, I said nite and left chat. I ended up going to FT and when I arrived there were 3 of my Phriends waiting there for me. I was asked if I was ok, I said NO! they knew what was going on of course, because they were in chat when I left. Anyway I VENTED about what happened! Then word got out to the person that I was VENTING about. She mentioned to of my PHriends and said that I went talking to them about her. So this person accused me of talking about her behind her back. I tried to explian that I was asked if I was ok and I answered, never did it cross my mind that I was going to be acccused of talking behind this person's back. Well this person told me she felt sorry for me and that I was no longer her PHriend because she could no longer trust me.......
Ok, so then I went and accused a PHriend of going and blabbing about what I was VENTING about. And to make long story short. Now this PHriend wants nothing to do with me either. She was really upset about me accusing her, which I dont blame her. She said that what I wrote was lame and she also told me that she felt sorry for me and we could no longer be PHriends. I was accused onnce again of making her ill. The past was brought up, which I thought had been resolved. I did apologize to her, but that did not work. All this got out of hand, I feel I can no longer be the same person that I was. I hurt a few of my PHriends feelings, I got them involved in a BIG MESS. Which I never should of done. I have some other things going on right now, so this has not been easy for me. I am sad al the time, just balling at whatever. I am afraid of saying stupid things. Like this for example. Will someone misread or try to misread and take this all wrong? I think that maybe sometimes its better to keep things inside instead of VENTING, that way you will not be accused of otherwise......

Cathy

As I continue....

2009-07-25T11:52:00.000-07:00

To grieve for my BEST Buddy in the whole wide world, Mason. I see myself afraid now, afraid of getting too close to some of my PHriends. I am seeing myself more meaner then ever. I am being more of a bitch with an attidtude. I mean, as far as Im concerned I've always been one. But I am more now. I am afraid of losing someone else to this DAMN HORRIBLE DISEASE!
I miss Mason so much, I think about him every single day. It's been 2 months since he passed and almost 2 months since he was layed to rest. But yet it seems like only yesterday he was online IM me or I him, and it seems like only yesterday he was with us all in PH Chat. Just being himself like always. I miss his make up stories that he would tell us :). I miss his smart ass remarks to most! I miss when he would leave without saying goodbye to us and the next day I would scould him :) In a nice way of course. He asked me one time what I was gonna give him if he said goodbye before he left? Somehow a cookie came out of that, so in order to get one he had to said goodbye before he left chat, LOL. And he made sure he asked for his cookie before he left.. hehehehe! I remember alot of his last words to us in chat... very sad. He knew he wasn't going to be with us for long. He knew his time was coming. And deep down inside I knew it also, I just didnt want to accept it. I prayed so much for him, I begged GOD to please not take him, I begged GOD to please pass jis healings hands over his body and make him well. And I begged GOD to take me instead! Maybe it wasnt enough?
I know that he is in heaven and that he is happy and not suffering, I know he is breathing easier and I know he is resting now. But.... I cant help it when I miss him so much! I just wish he would of had a lil more time. We were making plans about what we were gonna do when he got his second set of lungs. But, plans dont always come out the way you want them to.
Mason, buddy... I miss you :)
Together forever we shall be, never apart, maybe in distance, but not in heart!

Cathy

I failed.....

2009-06-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

Carlos and I went to Mason's service on Saturday, June 27th, 2009. Marcia, Ellen and Mack where also there.

It was a nice service, there were many there at his service. The reception was very nice. They had collages of Mason with family, friends and PHamily also. Some of the pics where of when he was a baby and as he grew into a wonderful young man. They also had a video of him and they played some of his favorite songs. There was some drama at the reception but that is something that I feel I should not discuss. So I will leave that at that.

So you are probably asking why?? Well... the reason is that I failed all my PHamily and PHriends. I was supposed to go and represent them all and I didn't. I was supposed to let all his family and friends know how much we loved him and how much we cared for him and how he had become part of our daily life. I was supposed to speak on behalf of all of us... and I didn't. He meant so much to many of us and I did NOT have the BALLS to go up there and let everyone know... I was asked by Janet to speak at his service, she told me that Dale had agreed to it. And I did not do it!

I cant seem to let go of this... I know I should, Carlos tells me that the important thing is that Mason did know and that's all that counts. He is right but I cant let this go!

I ask you all to please forgive me for bieng the coward that I am.

Cathy

My Buddy Mason, has gone to heaven.

2009-06-15T23:51:00.000-07:00

In 2006 I met Mason in PH chat one evening. I remember me saying that I was from Riatlo, Ca and Mason told me that he lived in San Bernardino, Ca. He asked me if I had ever gone to the local PH Support Group Meeting, I told him no. But that I had been wanting to go but never did make it. He told me that the next one would be in Oct, 2006 and said I should go. My son Carlos and I did go and that is where we met Mason for the first time. I remember he was so shy and I went up to him and introduced myself and Carlos. A very cute and handsome young guy! That was the beginging of a very wonderful relationship. We continued to go to the PH sg meetings and we chatted almost every night on the PHA chat. We was so smart, brave, strong and funny, He always made us laugh.......
He went through alot, he had a double Lung Tx in 2006 and he started rejecting, so he had to be relisted. We all prayed for him very hard and he jsut kept getting worse and worse. But... he would not let anyone of us know that. He didnt want to worry us.
On Sunday June 14th, we got a message that Mason had taken a turn for the worse. I called his mom and I asked her if I could go see him, she told me yes of course. My son Carlos drove me to Los Angeles, Ca about an hour drive. On the way over there I would just be asking myself, what I'm I gonna say to him? When we were going to his room, Mason's dad came around the corner, and told me you cant go in there right now, he just went into cardiac arrest. I said OH NO!! and I started crying. He said that there were about 10 people jumping on him, trying to bring him back. Within a few minutes his Dr came out and told his dad. We brought him back, but it doesn't look good. And we could not go in to see him at that moment. We went to the waiting room with his dad and about an 1/2 hour later his mom came in. She came right up to me and we hugged each other and cried. We talke for awhile, then his big sister came and more people were coming and I told Mason's mom that we should probably go, so that his family could go in and see him. She said NO!! you are his family. We stayed and about another 1/2 hour later his mom said she was going to go check if we could go in already, but she didnt come back, so his dad told me come on lets go see if you can go in now. They let us in ICU and Mason's mom and big sis where waiting in the hallway. Mason's Dr then came out and Mason's mom that he needed to talk to all his family. She then told the Dr that I was his aunt and asked of Carlos and I could go also. Dr said yes. He then took us all to a confernece room. And thats when he told us all that there was nothing that could be done for Mason. And that he would not last the night. We all broke down.
Mason's mom asked the Dr if we could go see him and he said yes. So she told me and Carlos to go in. I asked her are you sure? She said yes.
Carlos and I went in.... It was soooooooooooooo hard to see Mason the way he was and it broke my heart, but I knew then what I had to say. I drove up to him and got as close as I could. I held his hand and I said. Hey buddy its me Cathney (he would always call me that). I told him that his sc, xl, his grammie and all of his PHamily and PHriends, were sending lots of prayers. I told him we all love you very much. And I told him its gonna be ok buddy. I moved back because nurses came in and I was at end of his bed. I touched his leg and we went back to conference room. I told his mom and dad that we were gonna leave already. We gave each other a BIG hug and we left. We were almost home when I got a call from Imelda, she told me that, he had passed already, that she was not able to see him, she got there to late. I cried and cried and cried. A few minutes later Mason;s mom called me and told me he was passed at around 3:30pm I said OMG we went in to see him around 3:20pm.. She told me he passed right after I left his room......
It was very hard to see him the way he was, but.......... I will never, never regret going. I'm glad I did!
Here is a pic of Mason, Jen, Manny, Me and Imelda, one time that we had lunch together.

Cheers Buddy!!! You will always be in my heart. I miss you soooooo much. You are my special angel now. And one day we will see each other again.
I love you so much. Thnx for all the laughs and the great times we had at the SG meetings and when we got together for lunch. You are truly missed!

Cathy ~

Carlos' Graduation

2009-06-01T23:07:00.000-07:00

Its been a while now since I posted. I knew what my next post would be. I just needed to get to it.

My son Carlos at the age of 17, graduated from high school on Tuesday May 19th 2009. It was a very stressful and emotional day, for me as well as for him. He really wanted to give up! And I told him NO, YOU WILL NOT GIVE UP! He needed to complete alot of credits, I mean it was like he was doing school and homework 24/7, I knew he could do it and I told him so. I know it was a very stressful time for him. But...... He did it and I am soooooo proud of him :)

Here are some pics :)

My baby :)
Carlos and his neighbor buddy Jose.
Carlos and Gloria (girlfriend)

Carlos so proud!
Carlos and Gloria.
His Pa, Carlos and Me.
Carlos and friends.
Carlos and me.
Happy tears :)
This tie is choking me!

His party on Saturday
Yum!

Cake anyone?

Family

Family again with me in the pic :)

Well I hope you all enjoy the pics!
Thanks for reading :)

Cathy

My trip to Houston

2009-05-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

I was wasnt able to attend the PHA Conference, last year because I ended up in the hospital. I still had my airline ticket that I needed to use before it expiried. So after talking with the gals in chat and I do have to admit I was a bit mad at my hubs. I decided to go to Houston. Ity took me a while to decide what day, and also wait on Dr's and Acreedo letters. I fiannly made the reservation. OMG I could not beleive that I did it. I remember going into chat and the girls were all happpy cause I was going, but when I was in chat and everyone was talking about it. I would ask myself OMG what Im I doing?
I left on Wednesday, April 29th and came back May 5th. I still CAN NOT believe I did it! I am soooo scared of flying and this time I was for the first time going to fly alone. My husband took me to the airport, we said our good-byes and I went on my merry way. ( my hubs didnt believe I was actually going, and by myself). 30 minutes before I boarded, I took a pill that my PH Dr. Rx to me for nerves and nausea, it actually worked a lil. It was a 3 hour flight.
The plane finally landed at my destination, Houston, TX.
My friend Jen, with her hubby Manny, were already waiting there for me. Jen had told me were to go meet them. I think it was like a day before I left. They were there, right where she told me they would be. I was so afraid someone would forget about me, LOL. Man!!! it was soooo good to see Jen again :) and Manny also, but I was glad Jen was there! I was really nervous about meeting the rest of the gals! After Manny gathered up my luggage, ramp and all! We went on our way to his truck. I sorta showed him how to use the ramp and how to drive my wheelie(which by the way weighs a ton) up his truck! He had it done in no time and before you knew it he was an expert on doing it! I was very thristy and a lil hungry, so Manny took us to Sonic! Yummm the lemon slush was sooooo good! Nice and refreshing :)
We arrived at Jeannie's house, Edna and Marcia were already there waiting for us. I was still a bit nervous about meeting them, but it was GREAT!! Marcia and Edna came to me and gave me a BIG HUG. And welcomed me to Houston. I asked where is Jeannie? Edna tells me she's inside I said is she coming out? And Edna tells me, there she is! She came over to me and also gave me a BIG hug, she told me you made it! And told me it is so good to finally meet you! I think I was a more calm now, LOL.
We had dinner and talked, we laughed alot also. Marcia took Jen and me shopping, for food to cook and she also took us to Sam Moo, its an accessory store with lost of nice things! It was fun, thats were Jen and I found our tiara's!
We also went to a BBQ place and went to see the Beer Can House, it was neat! Thursday with Jen's and Marcia's help I cooked a mexican meal! Everyone loved the food, I was glad! Friday we went to a Mexican restuarant and had Margaritas :) Yum! we also ate, LOL the food was good!
Here are some of the pics that we took, enjoy!

Jen, Marcia and I stayed at Jeannie's house until Saturday. Marcia left in the AM after breakfast. And Manny picked Jen and me up at 12pm. I stayed at Jen's house until Tuesday. Jen , Manny and Kayla took me to Kemah (sp)? We had dinner there with Jen's sisters, BIL, nieces and nephew. The next day they took me to Galvaston Beach. I got to put my feet in the water! LOL I was like a lil girl, so excited about getting them wet! They took me to a souvenier place. I bought a few things to bring back home. After that we had lunch, it was yummy! We then headed back to Jen's house. Monday Jen and I sorted and divided beads that Jeannie gave us! There was alot of them. I also should her how to wire wrap earings. Jen made lasagna and she wouldnt let me help her. It was very good. So Tuesday we got up at 5am, got last things ready and they took me to the airport. I gave Jen a big hug and Manny also. I tried very hard to hold back my tears. I went off and I wanted to turn back and wave at them but I just couldnt, I didnt want them to see me crying.
I had sooooo much fun! I am so glad that I had the balls to do this! I will never forget how much fun we all had, how much we all laughed our asses off!!
I am sooo thankful for you gals! For allowing me to meet you all and be your friend! God Bless You Always.. Love, hugs y besos!!

Cathy

Looks like I'm going

2009-04-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

To Houston that is. I finally made the reservation. OMG I can't believe I did it! Not only am I scared to fly, but... I will be flying ALONE!! Yikes!!
I will be staying in Texas for about a week. I am hoping we have lots of fun, whatever we do :)

I will be visting a few friends... Jen and Jeannie and we are hoping that Edna and Marcia and maybe another friend can join us! I have met Jen in person already, but I haven't met the others so that makes me kinda of nervous also. I will just be nervous for awhile though, then the real me will come out, LOL. I hope they can handle me and not through me out before its time for me to comeback, hehehehe. I know Jen will help me out :) Just don't give me cerveza and I will be ok. lol

I have to make a list of what I need to take.... meds, bipap, enough chones, just in case I lmao and I end up with a lil accident :) LOL, jk!

Sooooo this is my post for the today. I know not very long, but hey you are all lucky I posted. I've been thinking to much about other things, and blogging just wasnt in my thinking, and anyway I get headaches when I think :)

Well I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Cathy

Opps.... I did it again

2009-04-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was complaining about pain in my chest area where my hickman is in.

I posted on board. After reading and getting some pretty good advice. I emailed my PH Dr. and I explained to him what I had been doing days, prior to getting this pain. H emailed me back and said that it sounded like I had pulled a muscle. To give it a few days and if it didnt go away or got worse to let him know. Well the pain went away.
It came back yesterday, and I think I know why. Everytime when I over do it with my right arm ( thats the side where my hickman is) I get the same pain, especially after doing something really straingous(sp?). So I was thinking back what I did the last couple of days. I clobbered the bunny piñata :( I mean I was really going at it with that bat! Swinging and swinging at the piñata, until I destroyed it :(
So now I know that I can not over do it with my right arm. Sooooo..... what else is new? Why does PH have to be so complicated?

Sorry for the whine.

Hope you all have a wonderful day!

Cathy

Easter at Martha's House

2009-04-13T08:18:00.000-07:00

Carlos and I spent our Easter Sunday at my sister Martha's house. My niece and her family, my nephew and his family and one of my brothers was there also. We had baked ham with all the works. It was a nice day, sunny not hot, so that made it even nicier to be outside. My great nieces and nephews were all having a great time! After we ate, the eggs were hidden in the yard. Here is a pic of one of my nephews finding a egg in one of the plants. I was right there by it so I was able to take a pic.. I did crop him out. I don't want to post pics of them on here since they are not my kids or grandkinds

My sister Martha brought out a piñata that she made! Yes, she made it. She is very talented! It is sooo cute! It was made from carboard boxes and tissue paper, very sturdy! Take a look at it, and please do, notice the BIG bunny ears. Poor bunny it's gonna get totaled in a few minutes And guess who got to do that? It was sooooo fun. Can you tell? Hummm I wonder who I was thinking about? Oh... BTW the all the kids got there turn also before me, of course:). Then after I destroyed bunny I got a GREAT idea!! I wanted a pic of me and guess with what?? The bunny ears!!
Everyone got a pic taken with the bunny ears, I only posted a few picsMy son Carlos

My sister Martha and my brother Francisco

Here's a pic of my brother Francisco, my sister Martha and Me :)
Last pic is of the delicious cupcakes that my sister made, Yummmmmmyyyyy
All in all we had a GREAT time.. I didn't get to see any of my grandkids, and I was dissapointed but I did enjoy myself and my sister's house... we all did! And I hope you all did also :)

Thanks for reading

Cathy

Breakfast anyone?

2009-04-10T09:53:00.001-07:00

I've been kinda lazy when it comes to my blog now. Sometimes I don't know what to write about. So I just wait and wait and wait, LOL Hoping something will pop into my BIG head!

This morning I got up at around 6:30 am, haven't been able to sleep these past few days. Anyway I took a shower and got myself ready and headed for the mraket. I needed a few things and figured, I might as well go. I made a list of the things that I needed. Small list as I can only carry so much with me, being in my wheelie. On my way over there, all of a sudden I started thinking about chilaquiles " Chee-lah-KEE-less". So I decided that's what I would have for breakfast. All I needed for the chilaquiles were the tortillas. I bought those and the few other things that I had already planned to buy. I came home and made my delicious chilaquiles.. YUMyyyyy. Chilaquiles are basically, corn stale tortilla pieces that are fried, cooked in salsa (hot or mild), and sprinkled with cotija cheese. It is basically a breakfast dish, they can be garnished with chopped cilantro and onion. And sometimes served with eggs and refried beans. I like to eat mine with a piece of bread. The salsa for the chilaquiles is usually homemade, but I cheated today and I used a can of el pato sauce and a can of tomato sauce. :) They still come out good!

Anyway this is what chilaquiles look like Enjoy!!

BTW....I sure do hope that everyone has a very nice Happy Easter:)

Cathy

Pool Is done!

2009-04-01T14:39:00.000-07:00

This post is especially for Jeannie Tx :) After just a few months, the pool is finally completed. I have never sweated soooo much with a project like I did with this one! You know getting the right pieces together making it possible. All the hard worked involved. But.... I just couldn't let my phriend down :) Soooo, it was worth it.

Below are pics from the begining to the end!

Waaaaaaalaaaaaa The POOL!!
Oh Jeannie.... I hope you enjoy the pics!!

Cathy~

BTW...... JeannieTx.... please make sure you do look at the day that this was posted on.....LOL

Remebering childhood Easters

2009-03-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

I was remebering one of my childhood Easter Sunday, last night. I remember my mom would make our Easter dresses.... Martha's, Peregrina's and mine. And they were the same color and the same design all the time. I don't remember how long it would take her to make them, but we always had our dresses in time. As a matter of fact she made our dresses all the time.

On Easter Sunday we would go to Mass then come home and either prepare to go to a park or have Easter at home. Our home had a big front yard, so we had plenty of room for our Easter egg hunt. I was thinking back and remembering how much fun we had. Even though we were dirt poor, my mom with older sisters help always made the best of it.
I have somewhere (I don't know where right now. but somewhere) LOL. A pic of when I was like maybe 3 yrs old. And it was taken in our front yard at Easter time. I will look for it :)

Anyway in the meantime here is a picture of my mom and dad. My dad didn't like taking pictures that's why he is not looking straight at the camera. My older sisters tell me that it was very hard to convience dad to actually sit in front of the camera and agree to take the pic. He was a very strict and serious person, so no smile from him. I think my mom was so beautiful. I still miss her, I miss them both.

This is a picture of all my brothers and sisters, all my sisters except one is here in pic. My younger sister is the one right next to my mom and I am in front of my dad. My sister Peregrina and I are wearing our Easter dresses, that mom made for us one year. I have other pics of when we were younger, but they are put away somehwere. These two that I posted are ones that I keep in frames on top of our fireplace. These two pictures were taken sometime after Easter. I think I was about 6 or 7 yrs old.

I hope you all have a good day and thanks for reading.

Cathy

My water faucets

2009-03-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

I am in my wheelie all day. When it's nice outside I like to get out and try to garden a little. Even though its very hard to be in a wheelchair, I do try.
When my husband started fixing up the front yard for me, I asked him if he could put the water faucet a bit higher from me. It was kinda hard to get to it, where it was at. So he did...... not only did he do one for me but he did four in the front yard to make it easier for me. I told a phriend Jeannie that I would be posting some pics of the faucets. One is partly decorated and 3 still need to be decorated.

This is how the un-decorated one looks like. What he did is make the water tubing high to where I could reach the faucet. Then he put a PVC pipe to go down all the way to the ground, which left the water faucet in the middle of the PVC. Then he put cement to hold it up and make it nice and sturdy.
Here is another un-decorated one.
Now this is the partial decorated one. I bought these glass pieces at Micheals and my older son Jose, put them on for me. We still need to put the grout on and I have to figure out how I will do the top part.

This is the same one as above, as you can see the top part is not decorated yet. And I would also like to cover up the part of the pipe that is showing on top.

The glass that I bought at Micheals is very expensive. I am still trying to see how I can do the others. I do have some of those round glass stones that look like marbles, they are in different colors. They are usually used for plants or for stepping stones. I might use some of them for the other faucets. Not sure yet!

Well Jeannie, I know these are not pics of the pool... but I thought maybe I could distract your mind with something else :), LOL

Thanks for reading hope you are all having a wonderful day

Cathy

Where's The Beads!

2009-03-21T11:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in awhile, Jen reminded me of that :). I told her that I would post soon.
I am dealing with side effects of IV Remodulin right now, since I am increasing 2 times a week. So I have been trying to keep busy, to take my mind off the aches, pains and other side effects.
And guess what I have been doing?

I got these buttons for free at the bead store that I used to go too alot and buy my beads and supplies and also get free classes on beading and stuff. I had forgotten all about them. And the other day when I was looking for some of my old beading materials I found them. I also found some beads that I had bought awhile back and decided to bring them out and start making something with them.
I have made a few necklaces, with earings and also a few bracelets. I took some pics of them so that you all can see :)

This one is green glass diamond shaped beads with swarovski crystal also a pair of earrings.

iThis one is made with a glass turqoise or teal color bead with black, round beads of the same color and silver spacers. Also earrings

This one is made with crystal and glass beads, in aquamarine and dark turqoise color, with mataching earrings.

This one is made with rose and light rose crystals, also matching earrings.

Crystal and glass bead bracelet, in aquamarine and 2x jet ab, also with earrings.

All glass beads bracelet in dark turqoise and aquamarine, with earrings.

This is a 2 strand swarovski crystal bracelet with silver spacer with crystal bead in the middle. In peridot, topaz and light colorado topaz.

I still have lots of beads that I need to make something with, so if you don't hear from me you know where I'm at :)

Hope you enjoyed looking and hope you all have a good weekend.

Cathy

Good days Bad day

2009-03-12T19:24:00.000-07:00

I have been having some pretty good days. Except for still being SOB when I try to walk or try to do something. I was feeling pretty good. When I would get SOB while sitting I knew that I was retaining fluid, so I would add my Metolazone and feel better.

Yesterday, our destination was to go to Los Angeles. To buy some beads that I needed for a few more orders that I got for bracelets. It was a nice day. First we stopped to eat breakfast at our favorite hole in the wall Mexican food place. The owners already know us, since we are frequent customers and have been for quite a few years. Sometimes when its early and not to many customers they will take a break and join us. For either breakfast or lunch.

Our next stop was La Puente, we stopped at the swapmeet. We were looking for a fruit cutter with a basket. My orange tree has sooooo many valencia oranges. And my husband and son can't reach them. I am always nagging them to cut me some oranges and they just can't. So my husband finally said lets go look for a fruit cutter. We tried Home Depot, Lowes, Ace Hardware and nothing. So that's when he said they would probably have them at the swapmeet. And he was right because we found one :)

We then went on our way to Los Angeles. He took me to the store were I always buy my crystal beads when I can't fimd them online. I did get all the bead colors that I needed, even though I didn't find other stuff. I will just have to wait and go to another store for that. We came home ate dinner and rested. All in all even though I was tired it was a good day.

Today I went to UCSD to see my PH Specialist. My appt went well. My 02 was 92, my bp 100/70 and he said my heart sounded good. We answered all my questions. I told him I could still not walk much without being SOB. So he told me to increase 1-2 ngs per week until for about a month and a half... as long as I could tolorate the side effects. And he said to start today. Which I did while still in San Diego. I was fine all the way home. I even took a long nap on the way back :). I hadn't increased since Nov. 2008. Well a few hours ago I started feeling droopy eyes and the yuckie. Just like I used to feel before, the first few months after I started Remodulin. And now has come the headache, now these are side effects I can tolorate. I just don't like the droopy eye feeling :(

So I guess until I get used to the increases again. I am going to be feeling like this :(

Thanks for reading

Cathy

How do I entertain them?

2009-03-04T21:00:00.000-08:00

My son brought my grandkids Trinity and Domenic over Monday morning. My husband then took us all to eat lunch. After we were done with lunch we were supposed to go to Home Depot to buy some things, but we didn't my husband had to go clean a vacant lot that we have, before it started raining again. So he dropped us off at home. My grandkids wanted to watch a movie so I told them to pick one out! They wanted to watch one that was in my son Carlos' TV, which is in his room. But Trinity couldn't find the remote to take the movie out, and I couldn't get into his room to try and look for it. Of course they were disapointed. I told them to look for another one.
Trintiy comes to me with a box in her hands, she says, Gramma can we watch this one?

OMG, I said of course you can!!! Now I bought these at Walmart, ohhhhh about the beginning of December last year. I remember they were showing them at Walmart that day and no one was watching them but me :) It just brought back my childhood memories.
This box contians 12 dvd's and has about 60hrs of cartoons and they had it for $6.99. I said hey this is a good price! Well I had forgotten all about it until Trinity brought it out. I put the first one in. They just loved it! I had them entertained for a couple of hours.

Tuesday they came again and the first thing they asked me was, Gramma can we watch more cartoons? I was so happy that they enjoyed these cartoons as much as I did when I was a child! I was even watching a few with them, LOL
Here are some of the ones that come in this dvd collection.
There are other ones that I did not find pics of. I really do recommed these.

And I know now that when they get tired of playing outside, they can always come inside and watch these cartoons :)

Thanks for reading have a nice night!

Cathy

Got Beads!

2009-02-26T14:25:00.000-08:00

Well I am happy to say that I have been feeling a bit better. Our probelms are not over yet, but I did get a BIG one of my chest finally, and I am more at ease.

I am still occupying myself with the making of my bracelets. This morning I made two in about 2 hours. And I just finished the one for my Medical ID tag, which I have been putting off for the longest time! I decided to make my first one with clear crystals, that way I can wear it with any outfit. But..... I will more than likely ( knowing me) make one of each color to match whatever I wear, especially my favorite colors :)

I know its looks kinda fancy, but.... I aboslutely LOVE it :)

Have a great evening!

Hugs

Cathy

Busy Beading

2009-02-22T15:28:00.000-08:00

I haven't been feeling pretty good lately. Still SOB and fluttering of my heart. I know it is because of the family probelms that we've been having, me being LOUD, it is just stressing me out.

But I have been trying to keep busy, so I have been making bracelets that I have an order for. I was supposed to have these done oh... about 2 weeks ago. I just kept putting them off. So yesterday I started on them and I just finished them right now I made a total of 5. I always wear my own bracelets when I go somewhere or even around the house. They make me feel pretty and I am proud of what I make :) I have about 2-3 bracelets to match every color of top that I wear, LOL. So I have quite a few for myself! I get alot of compliments and sometimes with those compliments I get orders, not as much as I would like, because some people do not know how to aprreciate the hard work, time and money put into these, but I do get some orders. And I am happy with that.

I have posted some pics of the ones I just made, enjoy!! These are all made with Swarovski Crystal Beads!

(((((HUGS)))))))

Cathy

Baby chick and Momma hen

2009-02-20T11:21:00.000-08:00

Hi, I haven't been posting for awhile. I guess has been spending alot of time on FB.
It seems that Baby chick has been on the look-out, because she reminded momma hen that she needed to update her blog, LOL

Baby chick has not only been on the look-out for updating blogs, but she has also been on the look-out for momma hen. You see last night momma hen was having more SOB then usual. Baby chick started talking to momma hen and figured out why, she has been feeling that way.

Momma Hen is going through alot of stress right now, and she has been VERY LOUD! She is going through alot of different family issues and they are all adding up. But baby chick came to the rescue last night and talked to Momma hen for awhile and calmed her down a bit.

Momma hen is trying to slove everything that is going on, on her own.. And she knows that it is impossible, and that is not easy for momma hen. Momma hen is used to taking care of the problems in the family and it is killing her to see that she can not do anything about it.

Momma Hen whats to let Baby Chick know that, she appreciates you being there for her last night to talk to. I appreciate you looking out for me and telling me what you did :) Your words made me feel so loved and cared about.

At one time I was say that JenC was my phriend because of PH, now I can say that she is also my friend, my shoulder to cry on when I need it, my chat buddy, my addictive partner, LOL. And of course my baby chick :) May our friendship last forever!

Hugs and besos!

How I made my husband fall in love with me :)

2009-02-10T09:09:00.000-08:00

Oh..... this happend sometime back in the late 80's, LOL Can't remember the exact date or year. But I always remember this alot during this month of February. You will now know why.
At that time I was a receptionist for a family owned bussiness. My now husband Juan was constructing a new office building for the owner. ( which happened to be his cousin). Juan was living there at the property at that time, and it was his responiblility to make sure that the front office door was unlocked when I arrived at the office. We became good friends.
I always liked taking candy to put in the candy dish on my desk, one of my favorite was .

One day Juan came in and we were just talking. I started laughing to myself and said, I am going to play a trick on this guy! I grabbed a Hersheys Kiss and I asked Juan... Quiere un beso?= Do you want a kiss? LOL, OMG you should of see his face? He got sooo pale and his mouth just dropped to the floor! I had a very seriuos face on and then I said, here! And threw the hersheys kiss right at him, LOL he caught it! Opened it and ate it.. meanwhile I was LMAO.. Poor thing he just gave me a smile and walked out. Well that started what we now call our love for each other. One year we were out at a flea market somewhere and we saw a guy that was selling glass hersheys kisses, with an engraving on it that said "I love you" My husband bought it for me. I still have it I just don't know where it is at. I will have to look for it :)
Every February I remember this because everytime I go to the store I see the bags of Hershey's Kisses! Hummmmm, this gave me an idea... do ya think it will work again if I do it? LOL Bring back some ol memories for him :)

Cathy

SG Meeting and D-i-L Birthday

2009-02-08T14:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we had support group meeting in San Bernardino, CA. There was a female Acreedo nurse and a male Acreedo nurse present. And of course our two group leaders. It went very this time we were separated into 3 different groups. First group was female ph patient, second was male ph patients and third was caregivers. We had the opportunity to just talk to our own sex group about the ups and downs of living with PH, and too ask the nurse questions about any concerns. The caregivers group also had the opportunity to ask questions and talk about their life with a PH patient. It was really nice too be able to talk with other women about PH. I didn't take any pics :(. I had the camera in my purse! But I just forgot!

BTW, Mason.... you were missed!

After the meeting we came home and rested, then at about 5pm we met my son and his family, along with my d-i-l family at Red Lobster to celebrate my d-i-l birthday. It was a longggggg wait for us to be seated. But we all had a great time! Here are a few pics. I didn't forget to take the camera out this time, LOL

My D-i-L Sandra and my son Jose.

Another one of them.
My grandaughter Trinity.
Trinity, after she tasted some fried Squid!! Yuck, LOL
My granson Domenic being silly.
Domenic again.
My son Carlos.
Carlos again.

That's all the pics :)

Also, I got and order of 5 bracelets to make for my d-i-l's mother, sister and aunt. They just loved the ones I was wearing and now they want some. It does pay to wear the bracelets that you make for yourself!

Hope you enjoy the rest of your Sunday :)

Thanks for reading

((((((HUGS))))))))

Cathy

Trinity's Birthday Party

2009-02-02T16:16:00.000-08:00

On Saturday we went to my grandaughter's Birthday Party @ It's a all you can different kinds of pizza, salad and desert place. They also have all kinds of games for kids, teens and even adults to enjoy. Here are a few pics, we weren't able to take alot of pics because my camera died! LOL.(the battery).
Trinity opening gifts. Also my daughter-in-law, but she is looking the wrong way!

More gifts.

My grandson Domenic being shy.. And my son Jose, he always makes weird faces and Trinity at the far end eating desert!
Domenic, not so shy anymore. Showing me his blueish green, fun dip tongue!
Trinity, Domenic and my son Jose.
Carlos, giving me the eyes!! LOL. He doesn't like it when I take pics of him.
Payback time! Carlos took one of me.... I hate taking pics also! Goshhh Im sooooo red I could be Mrs. Santa!

:((( Thats it... my camera died right before cake time!

Thanks for reading

Hugs,

Cathy

My Trip to Mexico

2009-01-31T07:52:00.000-08:00

Finally, LOL. I picked out a few pics. I forgot to take pics of a some things!
Any way we were gone almost a month! We left our house on a Friday morning and arrived to my husbands pueblo on Sunday at around 2:30 pm. My husbands family lives in a small pueblo about 15 miles North of Morelia, Michoacan. It is called San Nicolas Obispo.
Life in this pueblo is much still like the old times, where people still cook on wood on the ground, not even a stove. They actually put the pots directly on the ashes! The wood that they burn with is brought from el potrero and is usually carried on someones back or they use a burro. Water is also brought from a well. And like with wood if you don't own a car or truck it is brought into the pueblo by burro or on someones back. Now this is drinkable water. ( I wouldnt dare drink it but my husband did). Washing and bathing water is brought in like over here in the US. My bath consisted of 2 of the 5 gallon buckets of warm water sitting on the toilet. I hated it! LOL. My husband took me to alot of places, most of the time it was just him and me, so we only have 1 pic of the 2 of us together :). We had lots of fun, but it was very tiring and stressful for me at times.
I will post pics and just write a bit about them.
This is my penthouse where we used to sleep at his mom's house
Here is another one that shows our dinning table Its just a cement room no paint and no tile floor yet. Here is the entrance to our penthouse No door or windows just a tarp!. Here is one where the windows and doors have already been installed. Much better, eh?

This is a picture of my husband's mom and sister.. yeah they are his and he can keep them, LOL My husband and his mom Me acting as Santa His sister opening X-mas gifts My husband in front of his property It is about 5 acreas, in the background is the garbanzo that he planted when he came down in October.
Me in the middle of his mother's flowers... opps did I run over some? LOL
Me in front of my husband's property, parked on the road that leads back into his pueblo . This is my husband's grandad and grandma, they have both passed. I took these pics from some old pics. My husband's grandma is the one that brought up my husband! Boyyyyy I'm I grateful for that :)
This is a pic of a lady washing clothes... Yes it's done outside on this slanted rock that is called a lavadero You get bowls of water, wet the clothes put soap on them and rub, then rinse and wring and hang out to dry! Lots of work!!
This is a little chamagoso kid trying to rope me!! He is cute!
This is a picture of Santa He told me that every year since 1980 he has been coming to Paztcuaro to give out toys to the children at the Plaza. Patzcuaro is a tourist place, many many people come from all over. BTW... Santa is American, and he lives in Mexico.
This is a pic of me sporting a new hat that my husband said I should buy, he said it looked good on me!
This is a picture of my husband in front of the doors to Cathedral de Morelia
Some pics of Cathedral de Morelia This is one of the oldest Cathedrals in Mexico... It is beautiful inside, my pics came to dark though :(
Finally one pic of my husband and I together, LOL These 2 guys are singing a song for us

These are called the dances of the viejitos. The viejitos on Xmas Eve dance on the main road of the pueblo and go to the house were baby Jesus is being cared for. They bring back baby Jesus and take him to the church. This are actually young kids that wear old men masks(viejitos). One of them is caring baby Jesus.
Ok Im tired, LOL.. I have soooo many other pics, but I think these are enough :)

BTW.. Everything is expensive in Mexico except in the pueblos. Morelia which is actually a BIG city there is a Walmart and HomeDepot.... prices there are 3 TIMES of what they are over here in the US. I asked my husband how do these people do it? He says well.. most of them own a business. So I asked him, what about the ones that don't? He says... the advantage of living in Mexico especially Pueblos is that almost all of the residents own their own land and home.. therefore they pay no rent!

So even though they are dirt poor, they eat of what they grow and don't worry about rent! And sometimes sell what they grow and that gives them a lil extra money! Example: My husband's mom has tons and tons of turkeys and chickens! They produce eggs! They sell the eggs or the producers, LOL.

Thanks for reading

Hugs

Cathy

I am home... finaly!!

2009-01-19T16:16:00.000-08:00

We actually arrived last week, on Wednesday. We have both my husband and I been sleeping alot. It was a longggggg trip back, I came home so tired and with ALOT of fluid build up. It was so bad that my legs are still hurting, I had elephant legs for a few days. I will be posting some pics. We took over 200 pics, LOL. And I have to see what might be interesting for you all to see. I will also write about our trip to Mexico.
For now I hope that everyone is doing well and that the New Year brings everyone lots of GOOD health.

Hugs
Cathy

We are still here :)

2008-12-19T08:07:00.000-08:00

So much for leaving at the crack of dawn. LOL. Yeap we are still here, we are all packed and ready to go though. We should leave in about an hour! I am excited and nervous at the same time. I am hoping our trip will be safe :)

I just wanted to stop by though and wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Don't drink and drive like wheelie and me :). I hope that where ever or whomever you spend it with, it will be filled with love, happiness , peace, good health, and joy!
I hope that those of you that are not feeling that well, will get some help from above to make it easier, these holidays.
I love you all and I will surely miss you :)

Y un BESO!

Cathy

Looks like we are taking a road trip

2008-12-17T10:35:00.000-08:00

California then continue the trip through <~~Arizona We will travel through <~~ New Mexico. Then continue the longgg trip into <~~~Texas. From there we will enter Mexico via El Paso, TX into Cuidad Juarez, then on our way to <~~~~~Morelia, Michoacan. It is going to be a very long trip about 2 days. We will stop and rest and also sleep. We are planning on leaving Friday in the AM (crack of dawn). I hope it clears up. It all day Monday and now today. Forecast shows light rain until tomorrow. So looks like we leave Friday. If things should change I will post to let everyone know :)

Thanks for reading

Cathy

Sunday afternoon baking cookies with my 2 grandkids

2008-12-15T12:43:00.000-08:00

<~~~My pal Pill, the grandkids and I made Xmas cookies yesterday. Ok, I cheated I bought the ready to bake ones! But they had lots of fun putting them on the cookie sheet and then watching them get BIG while baking in the oven. We made a total of 48 cookies. They couldn't wait for them to cool down, they wanted some ASAP, LOL.
The only problem is that there wasn't any left for I sent some to my neighbor, my husband had some, Carlos had some and my company had some. I ate a piece of one and gave the rest to my husband. But the best part was watching my grandkids have some with a glass of chocolate milk. Wowwww, to much suger! Humm they were at granmas so it was ok :)

Here is a picture of my grandkids. Its not a recent one, they are much younger here. I forgot to take pics yesterday :( But I wanted to post one of them!'

Thanks for reading

Cathy

I had decided not to buy...

2008-12-13T16:44:00.000-08:00

this year. I always go out of my way to make a Grandkids Xmas gift list.
I do it on my PC. I add all my grandkids names and ask them each to write in 3 choices of what they would like to receive from me. With nimber one being the first choice, but they know that if I can not find it I will go to the next or third but it will be the same amount of money. I set a limit amount. I decorate it very nice with a and a and any other Xmas decorations. On Friday I called my daughter at work and I let her know of my plans. I told her that I would not be buying gifts this year instead I wanted to take everyone out to dinner. She told me that they had a dentist appt on Sat and would let me know about Sunday I said ok please do let me know because I have to let the others know what time. I waited and waited and no call from her. I call her cell phone and my grandson answer is. I ask him about my daughter and he tells me she is at the dentist appt. I ask him to please call her and tell her to call me on his dad's cell. She calls me a few minutes ago and I ask her I need to know about tomorrow. She tells me well.... Chema ( her husband) had his teeth done today and he won't be able to eat.... so I guess you guys go ahead and go. Wowwwww now was I was expecting that or what? LOL. So since he can't eat, none of them will be joing us. Not even her!

Now the reason I decided not to buy Xmas gifts this years is because of her. she accused me of buying more for my son's kids then hers. Which is not true because I spent the same amount on all of them. So not to make things so complicated and unfair to her. I decided on dinner!
Bad idea hah? Well my older son Jose and his wife are fine with it So I guess it will be just them.

It's ok though I am not going to let her get to me and me have a bad dinner tomorrow with the rest of my family

Thanks for reading

Had an appt at UCSD

2008-12-12T13:13:00.000-08:00

Thursday I had a appt, with my PH Dr. Everything went well I guess, LOL. He thinks my SOB is because of the fluid that I am retaining so he increased my lasix, aldactone and I am to start up the metolazone once a week again. He also looked ay my FAT painfull ankle or should I say cankle! He thinks it might me Gout. He Rx a weeks supply of predisone (sp), which I started yesterday and so far the pain is going away. I am to stay on the dose of Remodulin that I am right now. He ordered a RHC for sometime in January, he says he wants to see how the Remdulin is doing or working :)

Other then that, he says my sounds ok and my sound clear, :)

Thanks for reading

Cathy

Our Xmas Party Support Meeting and lunch with some good phriends!

2008-12-11T15:25:00.000-08:00

Hi there!
First I am going to post a few pics from our Xmas Party Support Meeting :)

Imelda, Jean from Accredo support group leader, X-mas tree lol, Robert support group leader and Francisca, Imelda's partner in crime :)
Carlos and Me!
Robert throwing dollar bills at Carlos, he won a raffle :)

Carlos picking up dollar bills. Sorry I didnt know whether to take his pic or the money!!!'
Robert and Carlos with his pie box full of dollar bills!

The whole PH group, San Bernardino, CA

Now for pics from our lunch :) We had lunch at Zendejas Mexcian Food in Corona, CA

Mason, JenC, Manny, Me and Imelda. The 3 of us borrachas (drunkettes) are having margaritas!
Mason and JenC, I couldn't get her to look at the camera!
This is what I had for lunch!! LOL.....jk It looks so yummy I had to post it

JenC, Imelda and Me... We didn't know what camera to look at!
I know I look like I am, but I'm not really drunk! LOL Sent to me from Imelda
Mason and JenC. I like this pic it came out nice! Sent to me from Imelda
Mason's lil sister.... she is such a doll, so beautiful! Sent to me from Imelda
Another pic of JenC, Imelda and Me. Sent to me from Imelda
JenC enjoying her margarita! Sent to me from Imelda

We all had a good time. I am so happy I was able to meet JenC. I am happy that our buddy Mason was able to join us I am happy that Imelda was able to join us. And I am happy that JenC and Mason met! BTW... Jen had no idea that Mason would be there!

Well that's all! That's enough hah?

Thanks for looking :)

Cathy

Me and my Lil SOB

2008-12-09T13:52:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I have still been feeling SOB, while at rest. NO good at all. I go see my PH Dr. on Thursday. I can not increase anymore my chart is full. For those of you that don't know, Acreedo provides a chart for which we go by when we increase ( the rate of the pump). It tells us how much Remodulin to mix with the Sodium, so that we have 100mls in the cassette that we change every other day. For example right now I mix 3 mls of Remodulin and 97mls of Sodium, to equal the 100mls. Then on the chart we write in the date that we increased. Well my chart is now full and I can't increase until I see my Dr again, because I don't know if I am to continue with the same of amount of Remodulin and increase the pump rate or I am going to be going to 4mls and 96mls of sodium and decrease the pump rate. Does this make sense?, LOL

So now I wait and see :)

Just got a call from Jen, her RHC went well. I will not go into details. That will be up to her. But just wanted to let everyone know that she is doing well :) I get to meet her tomorrow!! Yuppieee, LOL I am so excited! We are going to have lunch somewhere. I dont know where yet. I've been busy making bracelets and haven't had a chance to call the restuarants. But I am going to do that right now. I told Jen I would call her right back!

Thanks for reading, take care all!

Cathy

A great change, some happy news!

2008-12-05T12:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was feeling kinda, quacky sad? LOL. I had received and email with a word in it that I really didn't understand what it meant. I saw that my phriend Colleen was logged on, I sent her an instant message and I asked her what it meant? She told me what I needed to know :) She then proceeded to ask me if I had read the boards? I told her no. She says Mason is home and he has posted on the boards! OMG, I just had happy tears coming down my fat ol red cheeks. Those were the best news I could of gotten yesterday. I don't remember exactly what I told her, but I think I thanked her and told her ok.... I'm gonna go read the boards. Yeah, yeah I know I said in my last post that I was going to stay away. I just couldn't stay away, not with our buddy posting that he is finally home! Colleen and Mason made my best yesterday. (If that makes sense) LOL
So from this I went to this

It was hard in the evening though, not going into chat, because I little

LOL, came and told me that Mason was in chat! And I really wanted to talk to him. But just knowing that he is out of the hospital and at home where he belongs, makes me happy :)

Hasta luego!!

Cathy

I didnt get much sleep last night

2008-12-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

This is what I felt like. I could just see everyone laughing at me. All I did was toss and turn all night. Now the question is what led up to this? Hummm let me see, maybe the fact that things didn't go so well in PH chat last night? I know I am not the smartest person in the world, I do a lot of typos. I miss spell words. But no one is perfect right? So now because of my typos I am being nicknamed certain names. Now if I wanted to be called that name I would log on with that name right? So why is it necessary to be called what you don't want to be called, why after a few attempts to get a certain person to stop calling me that, she continues to do it. I mean I have asked her in a nice way. And it continues. Also my cravings, just because I crave lemons, do I need to be called lemon? Again if I wanted to be called lemon I would log-in as Lemon. So if I start craving Crap. I'm I going to be called crap? Yeah my cravings are funny and my typos are funny, and it is funny at first, but there is a limit. I try so very very hard not to do any typos, just so I wont be called what I type. You can't even imagine how many times I proof read when I write these blogs, to make sure I have spelled a word right. And even after I post it I re-read it to make sure and if I did a boo-boo I go back and edit it.
I have held back on letting others know what I crave and eat just so I won't be called that. I use my backspace alot in chat to make sure I type a word right. But for some reason It doesn't always come out right.
So last night I just got tired of it, mostly because of a certain person that just goes on and on with me. And like I said I have asked her to stop. Especially when she has done it in front of male PH chatters.
I made a decision last night and that is to stay away for a few days from PH chat and the PH boards.

I think it will be best if I don't post any of my stupidities (sp) or dumb ass mistakes that I make, on the boards. And it be best that I stay away from chat for a few days also, now staying away from PH chat is going to be harder then I think, but I have to try and be strong about it.

Cathy

More pics

2008-12-02T15:08:00.000-08:00

Here are some more pics of my party. My friend Imelda sent them to me.

My friend Imelda and Me.

Imelda and Francisca

My family.

A friend John, my husband Juan, and Me.

Me and my cake.

My daughter, my two sons and me.

My Delicioso B'day cake. Yummmmmy

Me trying to serve myself another margarita, but was caught in the act! LOL

That's all folks!

It's December already?

2008-12-01T16:23:00.000-08:00

Wowwww, how time flys. We don't get any snow here where I live. If we go up to the mountians we will be able to enjoy the snow. But since PH I have not been up there. So I enjoy the pics :)
I have been SOB lately. I thought maybe it was because of stress, but today I am still having trouble with my breathing. I have been trying to increase my Remodulin for the past 3 weeks almost, with no luck until Sunday. Everytime I did increase I would get more SOB. Yesterday I did try to increase again and it was much better, but today I am still a little SOB, more then usual. I have an appt with my PH specialist in 2 weeks, so I will see what he says.
My buddy Mason is improving a little at a time. He has a long road ahead of him, but I am hopeful and praying for him and his loved ones.

Another phriend will be coming down to Calif, to see her PH specialist. We actually see the same Dr. I will get to meet her on the 9th of December. We will be having lunch or dinner or both, LOL. She wanted me to think of a place, but I dunno where to go so I'm gonna let her choose, as long as its not suchi fuchi, LOL I am ok.
My husband wants to go back to Mexico in about 3 weeks and take me with him. His mom was not doing well when he recently visited her, so he is worried. I am just worried about everything that I have to take with me. Last time I checked with my PH Dr. he said he would support my decision but wasn't in full agreement of me going. In other words it's my call. Darn it, I hate to make these kind of decisions. I really have to think about this. I hate thinking I get headaches, LOL.
My son Carlos put up my outside X-mas lights yesterday. It looks so pretty. I love to look at all the houses with their lights turned on at night. He still needs to bring down the box with the X-mas tree, which is fibre optic, so I don't worry about putting lights on it. I just put all my X-mas decorations on it. Which are all angels. Each year I try to buy at least one for my tree. Did I ever mention that I love angels? Not only do I decorate my tree with them, but I have quite a few in my house. I had to tell my family members not to buy me anymore, because I have no room for them. LOL

Well I guess this is enough yapping, I don't want to put you all to sleep with this endless story.

Have a nice evening and I hope everyone is doing well :)

May all of you have a........

2008-11-27T10:01:00.000-08:00

Hope that everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving. Whatever you decide to eat or do. I hope from the bottom of my heart that everyone will enjoy this wonderful day. Please remember to give thanks for all the blessings that we have. And remember prayer and positive thoughts, for our buddy Mason. And all of those that are not doing to well!

I can't wait to start eating TURKEY! Yum, yummy, LOL

Enjoy!!

(((((((((HUGS)))))))

50 yrs old and Happy to be alive!

2008-11-26T11:41:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday, November 25th I turned 50yrs old. Now when I was younger, I always thought that 30 was over the hill. I learned that it wasn't, then I dreaded turning 40yrs old. But I lived with it and I was worried about getting old. I always told my kids that I did not want to end up in a old peeps home. That they better not ever put me there.
Well then came PH and I honestly thought that I would not live to be 50yrs old. I thought that I was not going to make it through another year. But here I am 50 and still breathing, sometimes a lil hard to breathe, but I am here, happy and proud to be a 5oyr old.

Now one day in chat a phriend, Marcia was commenting about getting old, she recently had a B'day also. So I told her we are not getting old, just beautiful by the minute! So when ever you feel like you are getting old.... just think of what I told her, ok?
On Saturday, Nov, 22nd I had my B'day party. I had a magnificent time, it was just awesome. I did drink one margarita got a lil typsy and was about to pour me another one. But someone was taking pictures of me doing it, so I decided to just not drink it, LOL. Just in case Imelda wants to blackmail me with that pic, LOL. Imelda is another phriend.

We celebrated from Saturday until Tuesday. Here are the pics!

My daughter Mercedes, my son Carlos in back of me, my son Jose, and Me.

ME!!!, LOL

Me again!!

On bench, my sisters Maria and Martha, in back my sisters Peregrina and Irene, and on wheelie me. Taken at Olvera Street in Los Angeles, CA. A famous alley type place with all kinds of venders selling things made in Mexico and lots of Mexican Resturants. They also play live music in the Plazita, were you can sit and listen to the music or you can dance away!

On bench, my niece Debbie, her mom Graciela, my sisters Maria and Martha. In back my brother Ramon, my brother Francisco, my sister Irene, her husband Carlos, my hubby Juan and then Me :) At Olvera Street

This is a life size Nativity Scene, that is located in the Plazita at Olvera Street.

This is for JenC, she asked me to get the name of a whole in the wall corner place. Famous for it's rolled Taquitos served with guacamole sauce. I knew I would forget the name of it. So I just too a pic! It's called Cielito Lindo! Also located in Olvera St.

This is a bracelet that I made for myself on my brithday so that I could wear that day. It is red and gold crystals with gold rondelles.

A friend of ours John, and my hubby Juan.

A vase with beautiful carnations from my phriend Jen. She had them delivered. Thank-you sooooo much Jen :)

Me agian holding the ballons that my sons drew for me :)

Ok, I think these are enough pictures, LOL. I have had I think the best birthday ever! Thanks to all my family, friends, phamily and phriends! I do not regret one bit being 5oyrs old and beautiful!

Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving :) Don't eat to much! Yeah right!!

((((((HUGS))))))

My sons, the taggers!

2008-11-22T08:14:00.000-08:00

My son Jose and my son Carlos, tagged one of the inside walls of my garage. They are so busted!
They told me they did it for me. This was done last night. Please be patient many too see.

The beginnng ...............

To the end.

Don't you think my two handsome taggers did a GOOD job? I love them both! And so proud of them :)

Hope you have a wonderful weekend. Take care.

((((((HUGS))))))

Just tyring to deal

2008-11-19T14:52:00.000-08:00

We've been trying to get ready for my 50th B'day party. And my heart has been fluttering like heck. I think, no I know it is probably stress. I get very overwhelmed at this time of year, not just my birthday, but Thanksgiving and X-mas. They are so close together. I am crying for no reason at all. I am worried about this and that I am tired and sick. You name it I am it! I am very moody and bitchy. (Are we allowed to write that?) Oh, well..... I just did.

My husband has been so patient with me. ( I'm not). He is good to me. I appreciate him alot. Even though sometimes he justs ticks me off, men! Can't live with them, can't live without them. Anyway he has been outside since yesterday putting in wire for landscape lights. I mean I told him about 2 weeks ago that I wanted lights by the walkway because it is very dark and I didn't want to risk anyone (drunk) falling or the kids that tend to run around. Boy do they have energy. Do I mean the drunks or the kids have energy? I dunnoooo. Well he finally put some of the lights and he turned them on. They look nice right now, lets see when it gets dark. I am pretty sure they will look nice, after all his specialty is electrical work, even though he can build a house from bottom to top. He likes electrical work better and he is good at it. I am not bragging it is just the truth.

Crap, I am not surprised I am not flooded right now here in my PC room. I am typing away trying not to mispell. I tend to do that alot and I hate that darn backspace button. it takes up so much time. Anyway back to the flood I am just crying away for NO REASON AT ALL!

Ok....the party will come and go soon, and I will be ok? NOT! Thanksgiving is just next week and thennnnnnn X-mas next month! But like I said I get like this every year. But... this year seems to be worse. Maybe turning 50 is bothering me? I don't feel like it is. And I have never worried about getting older. But I do worry about getting older and being ill. I guess I should be thankful that I have lived one more year.

I have to go now and supervise outside. more see what's going on, LOL Hey I managed to get an LOL out. I guess that is a good sign right?

OK enough!

Thanks for reading and allowing me to vent :)

(((((((HUGS))))))))

PH and PHriends

2008-11-18T06:42:00.000-08:00

Today is the official day. November 18th, 2008 ~ Pulmonary Hypertension Awareness Day.
I hadn't really thought about what I was going to write about. I was not worried though, because I knew I would think of something. Well I've known for a few days what it is that I wanting so badly to write about. And today the official day would be just perfect.
I want to talk about PHriends. I think I have ALOT more phriends now then what I have ever had before. You see my phriends are very special to me. I have gotten really close to alot of them. Especially the ones from chat. I feel that we have gotten really close and I hope it stays that way. My phriends relate to me as I can relate to them, you see we have something in common and that is PH. I can cry and complain to them about my ups and downs dealing with PH and there is always an answer for me from one or all of them. We pray for each other, we give each other, LOVE, SUPPORT, and HOPE! We also have lots of laughs and good times in chat. We talk about food, liquor and ????.... Lemons!! LOL. Chat isn't just talking about PH, yes we do discuss it. And we all try to answer questions as good as possible ( im not a real good answerer) But I do try. We always welcome newbies and we bomb-bard them with all kinds of questions. We try to make them feel right at home.

This is one of my special, special phriends. He is my buddy Mason! He is 20 yrs young. I met Mason a little over 2 years ago in the PH chat room. At that time Mason was living out here in Calif. a few miles from me. I remember he asked me in chat one evening if I was planning on going to the next PH Support Group Meeting in our area and I told him that I had been wanting to go, but had not made it. He told me that I should go, so...... in Oct. of 2006, I went to my first meeting and that's where I met Mason in person. I remember he was so shy. He had the cutest smile on his face. As soon as I saw him I knew it was him... He had not yet posted his pic on the message boards. So I had no idea what he looked like. But I knew. I remember I went up to him and I introduced myself to Mason, and also introduced my son Carlos. That was the beginning of a good phriendship. Mason had a Tx a little over 2 years ago. And right now my buddy is not doing well. He is in ICU at a local hospital here in Calif. He is intubated and sedated. We get updates on our buddy Mason, through another phriend Colleen. She is wonderful she is our hunter when someone is MIA. She will go out of her way and does even the imposible to try to find out how the rest of us are doing. TY Colleen for all that you do for us.

Everyone is worried about Mason right now, but everyone is showering him with positive good thoughts and prayers. This has been very hard on me and my other phriends.

I am asking in Mason's name to please, please take some time out and pray for him and if you don't pray that's ok, send him positive thoughts. I know that he will feel all our love and support, he will pull through. He is a FIGHTER!!
I pray that GOD will help Mason pull through. GOD has his reasons for doing what he does. But I have been begging GOD to please place his healing hands over Mason and help him!

Again, when you have a moment of time... it only takes a few seconds to ask our LORD to make Mason well.

Thank-you

PH and My Story

2008-11-12T07:20:00.000-08:00

Back in 2003 I was having rapid heart beats and alot of SOB. I went to my PCP which then referred me to a Cardio, the whole works was done on me. I went back for results and she told me that the results of the echo showed that I might have Pulmonary Hypertension. She didn't explain to me what PH was so I said ok. She then referred me to a Pulmo Dr that supposively knew about PH. I went to my first appt and indeed he said the same thing. He was to order more tests. But at that time my PCP changed networks so I was no longer allowed to go see that pulmo. I still didn't know what PH was. I was still getting very SOB so I fought with my PCP's office to get a referral to someone that would take care of me. In the meantime I was RX inhalers for asthma, (which I never had). That stuff in the purple disc. (I forget the name)

I was rx something for my rapid heart beats and also lasix. My SOB continued I knew it was getting worse. I was sent to see another pulmo Dr and he told me that there was nothing wrong with me, that I just needed to go home and loose some weight. My PCP then refered me for Gastric Bypass Surgery. I went through all the classes and tests that they require. I had to be cleared by a Cardio Dr and a Pulmo Dr. The cardio Dr said that my echo showed something about my heart but still cleared me. The Pulmo Dr said I did have what looked like PH but he cleared me also. OK I was cleared and good to go..... The Gastric Bypass Surgery Dr called and said he wanted to see me. I went in and he told me that he could not risked doing the surgery on me. He said that the numbers on the echo were supposed to be at 25 and that mine where way over that. He told me... You really need to go see a Dr that can treat you for PH. I was uspet and was crying.

I went home and went online and looked up Pulmonary Hypertension. Oh my GOD. 3-5 years of LIFE LEFT! NO, this can not be true! Why, why I said? Sobbing like always I continued to look further into PH. Then I see.. Ïf you took Phen-Fen, you could have PH! I said what? What the heck is going on? Yeah, I was one of those that took Phen-fen and that's why I now have PH. Funny isn't it, Phen starts with Ph... I am still Phat and I now have PH!

I found PHA boards and checked out the Dr's and I found the wonderful Dr. Channick. He did my RHC and confirmed PH and started me on Tracleer. I started having problems with my Ins they refused to pay continued visits to see Dr. C. They sent me to another Dr that supposively new all about PH but she was not a PH Specialist. She never did anything for me. I was getting worse. I ended up changing Ins at work as soon as open enrollment came up and I went back to Dr. C.. It had been about a year already, he did another RHC, my numbers were down a little not much so he added Revatio. A another year and I was getting worse. He did another RHC and yeap my numbers were higher then the first RHC. He then put me on IV Remodulin. I am still here and I am feeling a whole lot better. I still am SOB, not as much as before, but Dr C tells me we still have room to increase. So at this point, side effects and all, LOL I am increasing.

I can't emphasize again how important it is that you get to a REAL PH Specialist and get treatment!

Sorryyyyyyyyyy so long and thanks for reading

(((((HUGS)))))

Vicente Fernandez Concert

2008-11-09T08:04:00.000-08:00

On Friday Nov. 07 my sister Martha and I went to a concert.
These 2 pics were taken in the sitting area of the Gibson Ampitheather, right before the concert started.

Way long before I was even ill. I would tell my kids and my husband that before I passed I wanted to go see 3 of my favorite artist perform live. Vicente Fernandez is one of them. Now you really would have to be into latin music, especially rancheras and with mariachi. To understand what I am talking about. He is one of the most famous singers of ranchera music along with his mariachi. Well I fianlly got to go see him sing in person. It was chido=awesome, LOL. Both my sister Martha and I enjoyed it very much.

Satuarday Nov 8th was my husbands B'day, We didn't celebrate because we had a 16th b'day celebration for his neice that we were invited to. It was very nice. I drank a lil Margarita :) with lots of salt and lemon! It was yummy and I almost drank another one, but the first one had already gotten to me. So I had to let it pass :(

My husband and his brother both took turns dancing with his long lost half sister. My husband dances so funny, I was LMAO. It looked like he wanted to box! LOL We all had a good time. And before we left my brother in law request the mañanitas for my husbands b'day. Mañanitas is the mexican version of a Happy Birthday song. All in all it was fun!

PH and having fun... As along as you don't over do it ( ejemmm... sometimes we forget not to, though, LOL)

We can all have fun even if we have PH. We do have to limit ourselfs. But we all need to laugh and be happy and once in a BIG while we can actually forget about this terrible illness and have LOTS OF FUN!

Please do enjoy your Sunday :)

(((((HUGS))))))

PH and Specialist

2008-11-06T13:54:00.000-08:00

Thank-you Barbara for the ribbon, it's very nice!

In order to be treated accurately for PH you really do need to see a Pulmonary Hypertension Specialist. Pulmonary Dr's don't always know about PH and they do not know how to best treat you. I have been very lucky with my PH specialist. He is kind, he cares about his patients, he

knows what he is doing, and best of all he knows how to treat PH.

My PH Specialist is Dr. Channick, he is at UCSD and he is one of the BEST. In order for me to go see my PH Dr. my husband drives me 2 hours one-way. I DO NOT mind going that far because I know that I am in good hands. And I feel very comfortable with him. I can always ask him questions and he will answer them. My PH Dr. has never never told me that there is nothing else he can do for me. He is always reasurring me. Sandee his nurse always answers my calls or emails the same day when I have a problem. Or there is something going on! Even if I have to go to ER, I have my husband take me over to UCSD. At UCSD they know what they are dealing with when it comes to PH and they know how to best treat a patient. All the nurses know about PH and they know about the different meds for PH and they have been taught how to use the pumps. So we as PH patients at UCSD are in good hands.

Today I had an appt with my PH Specialist. All looks good. As always he addressed all my concerns. And answered all my questions. He did RX neourtin, for my feet pain he told me that foot pain is one of the side effects of Remodulin. He also asked about my leg cramps and he adjusted the Lasix for that. He had Sandee draw blood from my line and everything was good. He told me to go ahead and continue the increase of Remodulin for another month which is when I am supposed to go back and see him.

I urge everyone that has not already done so, to PLEASE PLEASE go see a true PH Specialist. ASAP.

It is very important that you do so, so that you can start feeling better. I am not sure yet how to post the website here for PHA.. but I will find out and post it next time.

Thanks for reading

(((((HUGS)))))

Update ...On my daughters Birthday

2008-11-05T08:44:00.000-08:00

We met at . We didnt really have to wait that long. I forgot to take my darn camera! But my daughter saw one of her co-workers there and she took a pic of us. Hopefully she will send them to my daughter and my daughter send them to me.

Let me see, what did I have? Oh yeah..... I had shrimp, shrimp, shrimp and more.... shrimp, LOL.

It was a very nice dinner we chatted about dif things and we laughed, which was good! It was nice being there with them we really enjoyed ourselfs.

Everyone and their mother was there having a Birthday Celebration! LOL It was funny because the waitress/waiters were going around to almost every table with a piece of cake with a candle and singing Happy Birthday.

When it was my daughters time we all joined in and sang to her! They all had desert I ordered mine to go. Key Lime Pie :) Yummm can't wait to eat it!

We eneded leaving like a round 10:30 pm. My daughter told me again to call her if I needed help with anything here at my house and also for my b'day coming up. I am hopful that this time our relationship will last forever!

Thanks for reading have a great day!

((((HUGS)))))

Happy Birthday Mercedes!

2008-11-04T15:24:00.000-08:00

Today is my daughter's Birthday. Yesterday evening I was an emotional wreck. I knew I had to decide whether to go with my stubborn brian or my soft heart. I decided to go with my heart. My husband was sitting with me at the table and I asked him if he would take me to Pomona to the Hospital where my daughter works. He asked me why? I told him tomorrow is her birthday and I want to take her some flowers. Well after him joking around with me (like always) he said yes. He then went into the living room to watch the news and I stayed at the table. I was working on a necklace for my sister.

My phone rings. I didn't recognize the number, but I answered it anyway. It was my daughter she said she called me to give me her new phone number. Oh my!! I tried very hard to hold back the tears, of course I couldn't. She tells me don't cry mom. She asked me if I was going to be here at my house on Saturday because she wanted to come over and visit. I told her I wasn't sure what time because I had a concert on Friday. She said ok let me know, mom. I said it ok. We said out goodbyes and hung up. My husband asked me who it was and I told him. And he asked me do you feel better and happy now? I had a grin and said yes :).
So today we went for a late breakfast and he took me to her work and I took her some flowers, a card and a bracelet that I had made for her awhile back. It was purple her favorite color. I called her when we got there and asked her if she could come down, that I was in the waiting area. She came down, she gave me a BIG HUG and a kiss. I wished her Happy Birthday and we talked for a while. She had to go back to work, but before she left asked me if we wanted to join them for dinner at Red Lobster. I told her that we had a few errands to run and that if we got back in time we would go. We are back! So it looks like we are having dinner at Red Lobster :)
I am so happy that she called me and that we are talking. Thanks friends for all your support and good advice :)

BTW, I voted early this am!

Thanks for reading

(((((HUGS))))))

PH and Driving

2008-11-03T13:44:00.000-08:00

I haven't driven much since I have been on my wheelchair. If I do go somewhere I need to have someone put up my wheelie and someone to get it down for me once I'm at my destination. So if I have no one I don't drive anywhere.

Well, today I had an appt. to go get my license renewed. I was just going to go get fingerprinted and have an eye test. YIKES! I was so scared that I wasn't going to pass my eye test. I know I need glasses. But my COBRA Ins is messed up right now so I have no dental and vision.

So there I went to my appt. My husband took me. I almost didn't pass it. My right eye doesn't see very well and the letters where blurry. I DMV guy asked me if I was having trouble with my right eye and I answered a little bit. He asked me to go around the corner to this eye machine and he had me read the letters. At one point I had to squint in order to see the letters but... I passed it!

Now what is the point or big deal of having a driver's license if I do not drive? Well... you see I feel a little bit less disabled if I do have one. And I feel that PH has not completely won! I hope that some day I will be able to drive again like I used to. I hope that some day I will not have to count on anyone for help and I hope that day will come soon. PH will not take certain things away from me.

That's why my license is important to me :)

Have a great day

November is PH Awarness Month

2008-11-02T09:33:00.000-08:00

I am going to try to post at least once a week on Pulomnary Hypertension. Today though I thought I would start with posting a Poem that I wrote a few years back. When I was recently DX with Pulmonary Hypertension. I never did write a title for it. Here it is.... Kinda sad, so I apologize in advance.

You came into our lives when we least expected it.

Because of you we are weak, unable to speak.

You are such a threat.

Our hearts throb and we even sigh!

But... it's not because we love you.

We are just trying to catch up to our breath.

We think of you night and day.

We wish you would go away!

We're stuck with you no matter what.

If you only knew the pain you have brought,

You are not innocent or pure.

Right now there is no cure....

But we will not give up hope you see,

One day a cure will come.

Just as easy as you came into our lives,

you will always come.

But you will not stay.

And we all hope and pray for that day!

"Dedicated"

"To all of us who are dealing with this terrible disease"

Catalina Lomeli

July 8, 2006

I really do

2008-11-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

Hi there phriends. Some of you know a little, about the situation with my daughter. Not a good relationship if you can call what we have a relationship. So I need some advice from anyone that reads my blog.

Her Birthday is coming up in a few days. I don't know what to do. Do I call her, email her (at work, of course I have no other number for her or email addy) to wish her a Happy Birthday? Do I send her flowers to work? Or just let it be?

I don't want to get emotiontal, which I know I will. So im stuck on what to do. Please be honest and tell me what would you all do if you were in my shoes? Don't be shy about what you have to say. I know that it will be my decision at the end. But... I really do need your input.

Thanks so much for reading

(((((HUGS))))))

Our Halloween Night at the PH Chat....

2008-10-31T21:11:00.000-07:00

Was a BLAST...... we all had lots of fun trying to guess who we all were. I guessed a few... ejemmmm and we had a few cheaters! That didn't confess when they were guessed! LOL

But it was alot of fun. Now aren't you glad I come up with the idea?

We missed a few phriends that didn't show up. I am sure they were busy celebrating. I wish they would of been there though!

Well it is just 9:15pm here, but I am very tired and I think I am going to bed :)

Night all!

((((HUGS)))))

Trick or Treat!

2008-10-30T21:30:00.000-07:00

BOOOOOOOO!!
I hope that everyone has a Happy Halloween! Don't eat all the candy that you are supposed to give out!

Lucky for me I don't eat sweets anymore :)

I TOLD......

2008-10-29T14:44:00.000-07:00

But it was for a good reason. Remember my post where I showed off the bracelet that I made and I blogged and said that I had to make 2 of them for a ex co-worker? Well that's what I lied about. The bracelets that I made were actually for two of my Chat Phriends. You see they have B'days this month and I wanted to make something special for them. So that's when I decided to make the bracelets. Now one of my phriends celebrated her B'day yesterday OCt 28th. . Her name is JenC.

She called me as soon as she opened the envelope in which I sent it. She was so happy about it, I could tell by her tone of voice. And that made me happy also. I am glad that she enjoyed it and that she likes it.

She is so funny and she has been there for me. Like a daughter should be :)

So Jen I just wanted to let you know that I hope that you had a SPECIAL DAY and that you enjoyed every minute of it. I also appreciate everything that you have had to deal with me and my sobbing! I know that you have your own PH that you have to deal with. But you are always concerned about other PHer's. And you never complain about yourself. Please know that if you EVER, EVER need anything from me. I am here for you :)

The other bracelet that I made is for one of my other Phriends. Her name is MrsH. Now I know she doesn't read blogs, so I am not worried about her finding out before her Bday which is Oct. 31st. LOL.

Now, Elena even though you don't read blogs I will tell you right here anyway. That I also appreciate all the GOOD advice that you have given me about PH You have told me how to take the meds that sometimes don't work for me. Even the toxic water!, LOL I will never forget that one!

You in your own special way have been there for me and I will never forget that. And I hope that you too have a SPECIAL DAY!

Now the rest of my phriends, please dont be mad. I love you all. In someway or another you have also helped me. And who knows one of these days I might have to tell another little white lie :)

Please enjoy the rest of the day and thanks for reading!

Hubby is home :)

2008-10-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

We got in this am at 2:00, OMG it was awful coming back across the border. This has never happened to us before. It took us 5 hours! YES, 5 hours to get acroos the border! I have no idea what was going on! It was terrible i was irritated and tired and sleepy! They kept shutting down the lanes, inspecting alot of the vehicles! When we finaly got up to the INS agent, we handed him our passports and he asked for my car registration! Oh, gawwwwd, they have never asked for that! So there I was looking through all the fricken crap that I have in the glove compartment and I handed him my DMV handicap placard registration, LOL. Well double crapola! I finally found it, he checked it, checked the vin number off my car to to make sure it matched! And he gave us our passports and registration back. We drove up a few miles and stopped. I had to go potty sooooo BAD! I had been holding it all those 5 hours. I thought I was going to pee in my pants! I didnt :)

W got home like I said at 2am. I got up at 9am :) I took my pills and I came to check the PH boards, my emails and last my blog!

I am waiting for my grandkids, then my hubby is taking us out for lunch. I am really tired.

Bye for now have a great day!

Hugs

Once in a big while my brain works! And I write...

2008-10-24T06:47:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you though they are not the best poems ever. I just start writing what comes to mind and I try rhyming the words. I have posted a few to the left side of my blog. These are ones that I wrote in the past. I still have more but I need to find them, LOL.
I do have one that I wrote about PH. But I was thinking of posting that one in Nov. during PH Awareness Month.
Alot of my poems are in my old PC but I gave that to my older son. And he still has not copied them for me on CD, so that I can have them here. So... the ways things are going right now I have no idea when I will get them!
Maybe...... !!

LOL, I say that alot :) Hey.... maybe I should try and write a poem about that!!

Hope you all have a GREAT day and thanks for reading :)

HUGS

I am soooooooooo HAPPYYY!!!!

2008-10-23T11:45:00.000-07:00

Just got a call from my husband. He is coming home Saturday!! YUPPYYYYYYY :)

I will have to see who takes me to go pick him up at the airport across the border. But I don't mind I just hope I can find someone ! That shouldn't be to hard right? LOL

((((HUGS))))))

UPDATE... I'm so MAD, can it get any worse?

2008-10-23T07:03:00.000-07:00

Well my son Jose fianlly calls me at 10am. I was still upset and I didn't answer the phone, he left me a message.. Mom...... I am soooo sorry my alarm didn't go off and my phone is dead! Call me back when you get this message.

I call the Dr office first to ask them if I could still go in today and what time. They tell me come at 1:30pm. I call Jose back and I told him, so if you were alseep who took the kids to school? He tells me Sandra did. I tell him well she didn't answer her phone either. He tells me well I don't know whats wrong with her phone! So I start to tell him. Once a week Jose I just need you ONCE a week and you can't do this for me. He tells me isn't there anypne else that could of taken you? I SAID NO!.... He tells me what about your neighbor.. grrrrrrrrrr that made me more MAD when he said that. He knows already about my nosey neighbor and how I'm trying to cut her out of my life! Then he says, well do you still need to go I tell him YES! can you be here at 1pm? He tells me ok I will be there! He shows up at 12:45, LOL. I do my last run to the potty and we get in the car and leave. Sure enough we get there at 1:15pm. He asks me do you want me to wait? I said yes they are only going to take out my stiches. He says ok so they stay out in the car with the kids and Sandra.

Right at 1:30 they call me in and they take my stiches out. Dr talks to me a bit and tells me to make appt to come back in a month. I did and walked out... It was a litlle before 2pm.

Damn it! where are they?? grrrrrrrrr the STEAM is coming out agian!

I call him on the phone, he answers and I ask him why did you leave? He tells me you took more then and hour and we got tired of waiting! I tell him you know what! It was not more then an hour, we got here at 1:15pm my appt was at 1:30pm, they called me in right away I am out and its not even 2:00pm! So how can it be more then an hour???? I just hung up the phone.

He comes about 8-10 minutes later! Boyyyy was I steaming!! I get in the car, he asks me if it hurted I said NO! He drives me home, he gives me the keys and they all say bye to me. I said bye to them and I went in the house. I just broke down in tears.

I wanted to tell him so many things, but I didnt cause of the kids. I had to bite my tongue and hold it back.

I made dinner, my son Carlos came home in a good mood. I told him what happened and he gave me a BIG hug, he tells me ayyy momma, que bonita cuando estas enojada=how beautiful when you are mad! I couldn't be mad at him :)

I went into chat we had a GREAT conversation! We LOLed alot, like always and had fun! It was good!

BTW.. Mason came in for a while! It was so good to see him in chat again! He left early he said the game was on!! LOL

Ok now I gotta get ready to go to the marketa!

Have a great day all :)

((((HUGS))))

I AM SOOOO MAD!!!

2008-10-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to be at my appt today to have my stitches removed. Well.... My older son never showed up! I called him about 4 million times! And I called my daughter-in-law also. Neither of them answered there freakin phone! And I did call my son yesterday evening to remind him! He said ok. I will be there at 8:30 am. At 8:30 am I went and got in my car, so that when he arrived all he had to do is was my wheelchair up on the ramp. I waited in the car until 9:15 am and NADA!! I am soooo psst!! I bet you can see steam coming out of my ears!

You know when both my daughter and son have needed me for loans! I have always been there for them, or whatever else they needed. But where are they when I need them?

I hate being in this damned wheelchair and having to depend on ANYONE! And that also includes my husband! I might as well be alone.

I wish I could just hop into my car and leave somewhere. I can't go in my wheelie because we are having winds again. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Well, bye all I have to go figured out how to blow some steam.

Hope you all have a good day.

I still don't deserve it!

2008-10-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

What I am talking about is my daughter Mercedes' phone number. She probably thinks that since I forget alot of things and she goofed up when she told me that she had given it to her ANUNTS on her DAD's side. That I don't remember her saying that. Yeah, her DAD that abandoned them as soon as we were separted deserves it more them me. Well his sisters do and don't know if she has given it to her DAD! Which is up to her and I don't care if she does or not, but what ticks me that I have always been there for her and I don't deserve it.

GRRRRRRRRR I hate when I feel like this. Her B'Day is coming up and I've been thinking about that and also she was supposed to drop by..uhhh Tuesday or Wednesday and no show! And no call and no email..... Tell you this really gets to me.

By all thanks for ready

Hope you have a Great Day! :)

(((HUGS)))))

Can you relate?

2008-10-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

There are a few songs that Shania Twain sings that I really like. I have been listening to some of her old songs since they came out. There is this one song that I can really relate to. Even though it is a love song. I have wriiten the lyrics below, what I wrote in ( ) is how I relate myself to it.

"It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing"

Hope life's been good to you since you've been gone. ( the elephant)

I'm doin' fine now- I've finally moved on. (now that I know what I have)

It's not so bad-I'm not that sad.

I'm not surprised just how well I survived. ( with treament)

I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive. (ty GOD)

I can't complain-I'm free again. (of not knowing what was wrong)

And it only hurts, when I'm breathing. ( SOB)

My heart only breaks, when its beating. (chest pains)

My dreams only die, when I'm dreaming. (for a cure)

So, I hold my breathe to forget.

Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night. ( im over that)

There's no need to worry, I'm really alright.

I've never looked back- as a matter of fact. ( I've accepted what I have)

It only hurts when I breathe.

Mmm, no I've never looked back- as a matter of fact.

Hurts when I'm breathing.

Breaks when it's beating.

Die when I'm dreaming.

It only hurts when I breathe.

LOL, ok I'm I nuts, looney, crazy. Because I can relate to this song in that way?

Are there any songs you can relate to?

Nite all :)

A pic of the BOYZ

2008-10-15T09:01:00.000-07:00

These are my 5 grandboys. My daughter Mercedes sent this pic to me last week via email. I emailed her back and thanked her for the pic and I told her that I wanted to add it to my blog!

Opps..... She emailed me back and asked for my blog addy so that she could see it. Well I emailed her back and explained to her that I didn't want any family members reading my blog right now.

I told her that only my phriends were allowed to read it. That they knew what I was going through and that I knew what they were going through. I added to say that both my sons knew that I was blogging, but that neither of them knew my addy. And when the time came for me to leave this earth. They had instructions on giving out my addy to whom ever family member that wanted it. I ended the email by telling her that I hope she didn't mind my decission to do this.

Well, she didn't email me back either way. So I decided to go ahead and post it :)

Anyway they have there hair like the Beatles style. I told them that, when they came to my son's B'day Celebration. I think they look really cute with there hair like that. They are all thin so it fits them well. I don't see them very often, daughter always busy to bring them over. But I'm glad she sent me this recent pic of them :)

BTW..... Did I do wrong by not wanting her to have my addy? Did I maybe make things worse?

Have a great day all!

((((((HUGS)))))))

Just showing off

2008-10-13T11:22:00.003-07:00

Today I had planned to go to the pharmacy to pick-up a refill. But it is cold and windy out, so I decided I better stay in.

I have been putting off making a few bracelets that a ex co-worker emailed me about making for her. My hands having been shaking lately. But today they where good to go. So I took my supplies out and started on the first one! I did have to take some of it apart 2 times. My eyesight is not the best anymore and I have not been able to find a magnifying table lamp.

I finaly finished it and took pics! Not the best pics in the world. I don't know if its me, the camera, or the sparkle of the crystals, LOL. But there they are.

I made this bracelet with Swarvoski Crystal Beads and a Sterling Sliver Paw Clasp and a 3 bar dasiy spacer. That allows me to make it a 3 strand bracelet. It is one of my favorite designs, even though it takes longer to make and if you make a boo-boo sometimes you have to take the whole thing apart!

Enjoy the pics :) And I won't be mad if you all call me a show off!

BTW, I have to get to work on the next one!

Addiction

2008-10-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

Well, now that Sprint finally got our phone situation straighten out. I am able to call my hubby every morning and he calls me every evening to tell me good night! Silly huh?

Maybe not! I wasn't doing so well the first few days after he left, since I wasn't able to speak to him. I am doing a bit better. I still miss him a whole lot. But my day seems to be better now. And I am sleeping a bit better also :)

One night I was in chat and someone asked if I had heard from him and with a BIG smile from ear to ear I said Yes!!! My addiction called me this evening. LOL Now that just came out of nowhere so now I call him my addiction. But it's a good addiction :)

I am so lucky to have him in my life. He also told me that he MIGHT come back earlier then he had planned, LOL I guess he can not get used to the life over there.... He won't admit that he misses me. You know, one of those macho men! But it's ok if he doesn't because I know he does :).

Well this is it for now... I decided to blog before I get a hint from my phriend, Jen. Telling me it's time to update! Love Ya, Jen :)

(((((HUGS)))))

Baa, Baa Black Sheep

2008-10-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

I have always conisdered myself to be the black sheep of the family. For a ahile I even thought I was adopted. And to tell you the truth I still do sometimes. Even though my older sister finally got FED up with me saying it and told me that she was there with mom when I was born. Oh... but that didn't stop me. I went on to say, well... maybe I was exchanged at birth! She told me I was crazy.

So why do I think like this! Well, I am the loudest, the meanest, the fattest, the tallest (even taller then my brothers). I consider myself the ugliest of all my sisters. You name it, I am it! I hold grudges for a long time. I can't seem to let go of them. It's very hard for me to forgive, when someone has really hurt me. I cry all the time for anything! Even before PH, only difference I cry more now. I used to do no, no's. I was always afraid of being alone I still am. I am very frank! I tell people how it is, whether they want to hear it or not. Sometimes I get in big SHIT though for doing that! I also have a SHIT list longer then Calif. YIKES!! Seems everyone is on it.

I was the first of the family to say a cuss word in front of them :( They couldn't believe it when I did) Oy my!

I know there's more but I can't remember right now. So.... with all those faults, do you blame me for thinking thata way? Maybe not. But.... I still consider myself the Black Sheep of the Family.

Baa, baa black sheep!

Have a Good Day, Thanks for reading

Happy Birthday Carlos!

2008-10-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

A few of my phriends from chat have been asking questions about my son Carlos' Birthday Celebration on Sunday October 5th. I told them that I wanted to wait for the pics that we took. But my eldest son Jose took the camera home and he has not brought it back.

So I guess pic will have to be posted at a later date.

I got up at 5am. I've been doing that lately, I just can't sleep. I started cooking. I got Carlos up at 9am, he got ready and we went to pick-up his cake at Sam's Club. It wasn't ready! Second time that's happened. I asked to speak to the manager and I asked her. "What is the point of the bakery personnel asking us what time we want the cake if it's not going to be ready when we request it? I also told her the last time I ordered a cake from here I was late to a meeting, because the cake was not ready. Well she gave me her apologies and reduced the price of the cake to 1/2 the original cost. That went very well!

OK we get home, my neighbor came and helped me with the rest, dice up veggies, prepare the meat, mix this and mix that. My eldest arrived and started up the BBQ grill. And soon he was grilling.

My daughter did show up with the boys! It was emotional for me. She gave me a BIG hug and I could not hold back the tears. (I even made my neighbor cry). We talked a bit we ate, she stayed a few hours then she left. She said she had to go somewhere else to go. Well at least I got to see her those few hours.

More people showed up everyone ate.. boyyy can my son's friends eat! I mean all they wanted was burgers and carne asada.... NO BEANS, NO SALAD, NO TORTILLAS! Wowww it was scary how they were eating. I ended up sending my son back to the store for more meat and more buns, LOL But that was ok.... at least my son had a good time!

Ok, ok, now the girlfriend part. My son Jose, his wife and my son Carlos went to pick her up. She is very petite. She was sorta of quite and I would ask her things and she would say I dunnooo and would say to my son, Carlos what is the right answer? LOL. I think I embarressed her. One of the times that I asked her we were picking up trash, me in my wheelie and with my grabber in hand. I asked her do you want to feel right at home ? Cause if you do come on, you are going to help me pick up trash! :) I'm mean huh? LOL I got a kick out of asking her that, she got embarressed. And I asked her do you know spanish, she says I understand a little but I dont speak it. Well..... I told her here you have to learn it! 'She just started laughing.

She was ok... I mean what can I say first time I met her. My son asked me what I thought of her, I told him well she seems nice but I have to get to konw her more. He was ok with that.

So that's it my phriends, we all had a good time. Of course I was pooped by the ended of the day. Because even though I am stuck in my wheelie I try to do as much as possible and I do get tired.

Well it's 6:27 am here the sun is coming up and I need to get ready to take a stroll in my wheelie down to the supermarket :)

You all have a wpnderful day!

(((((HUGS))))))

Lost little puppy

2008-10-06T14:34:00.000-07:00

OK, Where do I start? My husband has only been gone 4 days and I feel totaly lost without him. I am trying to keep busy, but....... I just can't function. I am not sleeping I toss and turn all night! Gosh, I hate this feeling. I mean he has been gone before, but since my Dx he has never left me. Yeah, last year I went to Puerto Vallarta for 2 weeks and he didn't go with me. But my son Carlos did and he actually slept with me. And also I would talk to my husband everyday. So that made it easier. But now for some reason, maybe because its another city. I can't call him and Sprint is of no help.

I am freaking out here, I keep thinking... OMG what if something where to happen to him, how would I deal with his loss? I have even prayed and asked GOD to please take me first and not him. I know I have to stop thinking like this. I can't STOP!

Out of no where for every little thing I just cry. I even get headaches now when I cry. It feels like if I just turn on my tears and there they come. I am a mess. I try to take a nap during the day, since I don't sleep at night and I don't sleep either. I just toss and turn.

I wish I could talk to him everyday even for a minute. I know that would help. but I have to wait until he calls me from a lan line and that is hard because of the area. Not everyone has a phone over there.

Sooooooo here I am like a lost puppie. I wish the days would get easier for me. It seems that they are getting harder. And going by sooooooo slowwwwww.

Take care all, thanks for reading

My husband left today.

2008-10-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

He had his brother pick him up here at the house. He didn't want me to take him to the airport and watch him get on the plane. I miss him already. I missed him the moment he walked out the door. I am a mess right now and I just don't know what to do. He will call me but not everyday, because of the bad phone service over there it will be hard. So I will see how I handle this.

Also, today is my son Carlos' Birthday, he turned 17. We will celebrate his Birthday on Sunday October 5th... A small BBQ cook-out, nothing big. And we are supposed to meet his girlfriend. YIKES!

Well I am going to go and try to watch some TV. Maybe it will relax me.

Night all!

Emotional Roller Coaster

2008-09-30T11:35:00.001-07:00

Lately I have been with ups and downs, feels like I'm riding a roller coaster. And let me tell I DON'T like roller coasters real or emotional!

Well you see my husband is going to Mexico, he has not been there since 2000. His mom is about 73 yrs old. They are not close but still it's his mom. First he said he would fly, then he said he would take this car, then that car (an old truck that I felt would not make it. So then I suggested the Envoy that we have up for sale. He said yes, I was sorta relieved even though that would mean I would loose out on the AD where I have it posted for sale... Oh, well at least I would be at ease knowing the car would not konk out on him. Ok then he changed his mind again and said no, not the envoy but another truck that we have, but we needed to fix the A/C on it. And he would leave that truck over there in Mexico, for when we went we could fly and not worry about a rental. We both agreed. Then he changed his mind again and said it would be to much to fix the truck right now and since we are trying to buy another house he said he would fly. I got all the flight info for him but I didn't make the reservation. I told him the details and he said ok make the reservation. I didn't make it right away, because we were on our way out. So I told him I would make it when we came back. Well that same day he was out cleaning out the garage.( thats the day that I got upset at him and he ended up taking me to SONIC :) Anyway I went to see what he was doing and he tells me, you know what I changed my mind, I'm going to fix the truck and take it after all. I just blew it! I told him, "You know what, don't tell me your plans anymore. You change your mind from one minute to another, your driving me crazy, do what you want" I went inside.

GRRRRRRRRRR I was soooooo upset!

Well after all that, I convienced him to go by plane and he said ok. I made sure he went and bought the tickets, before he changed his mind again.

Now, I've been crying and crying. Don't get me wrong I am happy that he is going. But, I am so used to him being around. I am afraid of him leaving me alone for six weeks, yes 6 weeks.

He takes such good care of me, he does everything for me. Yes, my son Carlos drives but it's not the same. My husband has me so spoiled that at night when I throw the covers off of me, he will wake up to make sure I am covered and that I am not cold. He spoils me and most of all like I said he takes care of me.

When he sees me crying he knows why I am crying and he tells me not to worry that he might not even stay over there all 6 weeks. But I know he will.

So you see I have been riding this emotional roller coaster up and down. He leaves this Thursday evening. So phriends if you don't see me in chat, it might be that I am just not up to it ok :)

Thanks for reading
(((((((HUGS)))))))

Received email from my daughter

2008-09-29T20:39:00.000-07:00

This is my daughter Mercedes. Today I got a surprise from her. I came home from the store and like always I came into the PC room to check my emials and the PH boards. I had an email from my daughter. It was short but it was good to hear from her.

These were her exact words..... Hi mom, how are you doing and feeling? The boys want to know if you are doing anything for Carlos’ b-day?

Thank you
Mercedes Martin

This was my response.......Hi Mercedes,

I am trying to deal with my illness one day at a time. I have alot of side effects, that include nausea and chorro. I have no appetite sometimes and so far I've lost since Feb about 40 lbs. Thanks for asking. I will have a burger cookout, lil bit of meat for those that don't eat burgers and also cake. This will be on Sunday, Oct 5th anytime after 12pm. But I really need to know how many will come.

Mom

Did I give her to much info on how I am feeling? Maybe I sounded to short? I just don't want her to hurt me anymore. I have to be strong.... I am hoping the boys will come. I know she won't come she will probably just drop them off. But that's ok... I can deal with that.... It's a start right?

I want to thank all my phriends from chat that have supported me and been there for me, since I opened up and told them about my daughter. I was keeping all this inside of me for a long time and I was glad to share this with them and have there support :)

Hope you all have a good night :)

((((HUGS)))))

He loves me, he loves me not!

2008-09-28T15:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was in chat with my circle of phriends. Talking about everything, and like always the food conversation came up. All of a sudden I got a craving for a Lemon Icee. And the first place that came to my mind was Sonic Drive Inn, even though I have never been there. But I always see the commercials and they look so yummy! So while in chat I loooked one up in my area and the closest one I found was about 46 miles away from us. I said to the girls in chat. "Im going to go see how much my husband loves me, to see if he will take me to Sonic" And since I had gotten a lil upset with him earlier I was 100% sure he would say yes. Well he did, I came back and told the girls "He loves me", LOL
I called Sonic and they would not answer, Grrrrrrrrrr I was upset. Then I did another search and I found one about 25 miles away from us... even better! I called them and got directions and asked what time they closed? 1:00 am.... ohhh plenty of time to get there, LOL
I was still in chat and I told the girls.... He's taking me and I also said, he better have said yes.
So we went I had a Limeade w/cherry, it was soooooooo yummyyyyy. After we were done and ready to go my husband asks me Aren't you going to order another one? I said no, he kept insisting and finally said, I think you better order another one, so that tomorrow if you get the cravings you will have one already and he gave me a BIG smile :) So there I go like a good little girl, but this time I ordered a Lemon-Berry Slush. I brought it home and had my son put it in the freezer for me and I am going to have that later today, while in chat :)
Yummmmm, Yummmmmm

I'm baddddddd. Sometimes I feel guilty because, my husband will do whatever or take me where ever I ask him too and I feel like I'm taking of advantage of him. He has never complained though, LOL......... I love him and he loves me :)

Take care and thanks for reading.

(((((((HUGS)))))))

Breakfast and A Day At The Race Track

2008-09-25T12:08:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was out all day. My husband took me to breakfast. It was good, I actually did good in eating.
After that he went to Arcadia, CA to the opening day of Santa Anita Races ( for some reason, I think we like opening days :) We got 2 free mugs, which we never keep, just not a collector of racetrack mugs. It was hot inside so I spend the most part outside right in front of the track where the horses run. There was a breeze so it was ok. Of course I had to go back and forth to tell my husband what horses I wanted him to bet for me. But I was ok since I was in the powerchair. I have always liked the # 7 horse.
So I almost all the time bet on it, then I go by the name of the horse and last the jockey. My husband reads the racetrack forms and most of the time goes by the horse's record of running and winning. Well I didn't win, but my husband did. We were ready to leave (he had not won anything either) and I told him I was going to go buy some hot wings, to take to my son, he followed me and he ended up getting something also. Since I had to wait for the hot wings. I told him to go ahead and pay for his food and wait for me at the tables. By the time I got to him he was almost done eating. I was eating a piece of hot wing, when he gets up and tells me. You know what? I am not going to leave here without winning any money, so there he goes and bets on the next race. He picked # 4 and 3 exacta box and bet $40.00 on that race alone. He came back with his purchased ticket. While waiting for the race to start I told him I was going to the bathroom. I took about 10 minutes. Well when I came back he had a BIG smile from ear to ear. And he said I won! I thought maybe $100-$200 hundred dollars. Well let me tell ya. He won a little over $1700.00. It payed 80 to 1, whatever that means, LOL. Everyone was yaying for him :). He went and cashed in, asked for change gave the clerk a tip and a few of the guys that he had been talking too. It's a custom of some that when you win BIG thats its nice to share. So that the luck will continue. He then handed me the $$, he always does :) And we headed back home. I was tired but all in all, we had a good time and it was worth it!

BTW are we allowed to post 2 different topics in 1 day? Oh well...... I just did, LOL

Once again have a great day :)

Happy Tears :)

2008-09-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday evening I got a call from the place that is handling the whole works on my new powerchair. It was finally good news! My Ins, approved it! I was soooo happy that I cried happy tears, something I had not done in a long time. I was in chat when I go the call and I just had to mention it to my phriends, of course being who they are, they were excited for me also.

I have been on a loner powerchair and I am grateful that I have it. But..... boy is it uncomfortable, you see this chair is for someone wayyyyy taller then me and bigger then me. My legs hang and get more tired, and since the seat is wider and longer then my behind, the seat hits right under my hind knees and it is very uncomfortable. So I am happy that soon I will have one the is fit for me :)

Thanks for reading, Have a great day :)

Raisin City, CA

2008-09-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

From grapes To raisins

Last weekend my sister Martha, my sister Maria, my husband and I went on a little trip to Raisin City, Ca. (yes, thats what the city is actually called) It's about 25 miles South of Fresno, Ca. We went to visit my other sister Margarita, she lives in Raisin City with her husband. Her husband is in charge of the vineyard where they live. He has been working the vineyards since he was about 21 yrs old, he is now about 62, I think, LOL. At this vineyard the grapes are used for raisins, they are picked layed on thin paper and they are sun dried, after they are dried they are picked up and sold to the packers, that then clean them up and distribute to the grocery stores. SunMaid Raisins come from that area.

Once there Saturday morning, my 3 sisters and I headed over to Fresno for a yearly 2 mile yard sale. It was nice but very HOT. Even though I was in my powerchair I was tired at the end of the day. We stayed until Sunday afternoon then headed back home..... long drive! My husband drives slow so it takes us about 5-6 hours to get home, when we should really get home in 3 hrs :)

Oh well, at least we got home!

Me under a BIG Oak tree at the yard sale.

My husband in a Old Car at the Hotel where we stayed.

She will be missed

2008-09-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was out most of the morning. When I got back I came directly to PHA boards to see if there were any news on GeorgiaBrenda. What I had dreaded was posted. She had passed...... I was in shock, I could not believe it. I was SAD and ANGRY at the same time. This damned illness is trying to take us one by one. There comes a point that I am calm and relaxed and suddenly something like this happens and there comes the wake-up call. We never know!

Brenda was so dear always with good advice. She was the very first host that I met in the chat, she welcomed me with open arms, always making everyone newbie or oldie feel very comfortable and right at home. She always had some good advice and always tried to make peace in the PHA boards, when there was a dissagreament of any sort. never took sides. Always knew what to say.

Bren I will surely miss you alot, it saddens me that you are gone, but you are in a better place where you will feel no pain and you will not suffer, you now have your wings. And I know that you will be looking down on us, so calm and serene. Like a true angel. You were a great host and a phriend. You will be missed but never forgotten.

Dinner with my phriend Mason :)

2008-09-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

I guess I waited to long to post this. But last week I was sorta stressed out. I was having Ins. problems again and I was also with nausea and no appetite.

And then I needed to get ready for a little weekend trip. But details on that will come on another post.

Last Tuesday my phriend Mason, my phriend Imelda, my son and his friend and I met at Olive Garden for dinner. It was phun. It was so good to see Mason he was as cute as always. I have missed him at our support group meetings. He has lost a little weight and he told me he was feeling fine. His appt was going to be at UCLA the next day. I hope everything went well for him and that he got good and encouraging news.

We took pictures and I am supposed to send them to Mason, so that he can post them or one on the board. We plan on having another get together next time he is in town. I am looking forward to that.

I am a little worried about my phriend JenC I just read another phriends post and she mentiones something about Jen's house being in the pathway of Ike.

Jen I hope that you are ok and that your house is ok also

(((((HUGS))))))))

Lemons and salt, I just gotta have them!

2008-09-11T12:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, me and lemons and salt, have become real good buddies now. I just have to have them. I am cutting back on them but once in a while I have to have aleast half of one. And any other sour thing that I can come accross. Weird right'? Well maybe not. I just got off the phone with a phriend from our support group meeting and she tells me she is the same way. She is into the sour thingys like me :). Wow I was surprised. Here I thought I was the only weirdo having these cravings.

Ok, she tells me she doesnt eat, she has no appetite, food grosses her out! And guess what? It's the same with me. She has nausea and diarrhea. Yeap me too. She said she told her Dr about the sour cravings and he told her it was because of the meds. And of course some of the side effects of Remodulin are diarrhea and no appetite. She is on SubQ. It was a nice phone chat and we laughed as we told each other, ME TOO!! LOL

Well I have never mentioned it to Dr. C. I always forget, but I wrote it down so I will not forget and see what he tells me. Hopefully I won't forget to take my notes out when I go see him :)

Another note I am worried about my phriends, JenC and SheilaB from Texas. They posted that they have to evacuate. I did try calling JenC but the call would not go through. I don't know it it's because of the Hurricane. I pray that they are safe and out of the path of the hurricane.

(((((HUGS)))))))

Lasix anyone?

2008-09-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

Ok now, So what's going on with me? I have been taking my lasix and potassium like any other day. Since Monday I have been running to the restroom like crazy and peeing like never before. Monday night I got a HORRIBLE leg cramp, OUCH! My back leg is still sore from that cramp. So Tuesday night I decided to take and extra potassium. I've done this before and its ok with Dr. And whoooopiiii NO cramps! It is weird for me because my lasix have never really worked that well for me. No matter what I always retained alot of fluid and my legs would swell like crazy. I am fianlly getting rid of all that fluid and I have no idea how I am doing it. My ankles are not kankles anymore :) I just hope I continue this way even though it means that I have to run and pee, LOL

Have a great day!

Cathy

I can smell that!

2008-09-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

My husband tells me my nose is really sensitive to smells. Well it is true. Example we are in the car, he is driving I can smell onion and garlic being hauled in a truck miles away before it even passes us. And I tell him it smells like onions, he tells me I don't smell anything and about 15 minutes later there comes the truck! He tells me, you are right there comes your smell. I don't know why I am like that, it makes me mad sometimes. I have to carry some of the masks that I get from my supplier. And I actually wear it when I smell something that is yuckie to me. If I go into a public restroom and a Momma is changing her baby's diaper. I have to put a mask on! Yeah, I know, I know that's what restrooms are for and my younger sister has told me. Hey that's what restrooms are for, for people to go in and do their business. I tell her I know but I can't stand the smell. It really, really makes me want to puke. Before I got the GREAT idea of carrying some masks with me, I would just leave and try to go to a different restroom. I posted on the PH boards about IV Remodulin and the smell of it. I asked if anyone else could smell it. Well most said no, a few said yes. I was glad for those few that said yes because I thought it was just me and I was crazy. I can even smell it on me, like if it is coming out my pores! Weird hah? On my next appt I am going to have to mention it to my PH specialist.

Another thing is that I am freaking out because of the 3 lines infections that I had last time I was on IV Remodulin. I have been on it about the same amount of time as last time when I got them. And I am getting scared that I will end up with another one. It is stressing me out and it has gotten to a point that I am sick and tired of doing the change now! I know it's for the best that I am on it and I think of those lefties that can not be on PH meds. And I should be grateful that I am not a lefties and that I am able to be on it. But........ it is scaring me to death right now! The past few days I have also felt overwhelmed every time I do a change, it has gotten to a point that I tell my husband that I am sick and tired of all these dammed meds that I am on for PH! Every time my alarm goes off letting me know thats its time for Tracleer or for Revatio. It MAKES me MAD! How ungrateful I must sound. I should be happy that I am feeling better, right? But right now I can not feel that. I'm I feeling sorry for myself? I'm I having some pity days? I wish I knew because I don't even know. I hope that I did not ruin any one's day by posting this and I am sorry for venting like this and about this.

Remember my phriends that I WUV U LOTS!
(((((HUGS))))))

Cathy

Let's go to the fair!

2008-09-06T15:06:00.000-07:00

I was at home when I get a phone call from my sister Martha. She asked me are you going to the fair? I said nooooo I don't think so. She tells me, no one invited you ha? I said no. She said well.... Do you want to go? I said yeah but who's going to help me with my chair. She usually does when we go places together. But I didn't want her helping because she is getting shots for low white cell count, that and the chemo really de-energize, LOL her. She tells me Diana (her daughter) is going and she can help with your chair. I said yupppieeeeee, LOL. My husband was walking out the door to go to work. And I asked him you wouldn't want to go to the fair also? You see they have horse races at the fair also and that's what he loves. So he said yes! I took a quick shower and off we went and we were to meet my sis and my niece over there. On our way over there, while on the freeway we saw a car on the side of the road and a older man walking up ahead. I said to my husband, poor guy he has to walk a longways. My hubby tells me should we go back and give him a ride? I said yeah. So we go off the freeway turned went back the other way, go off again and went back the way towards the man. He pulled over I asked him if he needed a ride, And he said yes. Poor guy was sweating alot! He took him to the nearest gas station, he bought a fuel tank, filled it up and we took him back to his car. My husband had to help him put the gas in his car because the man was having trouble doing it. We waited until he started his car and off we went to the fairWe finally got there and my sister was also pulling up at the same time into the parking lot. She rented a scooter. My husband went his way to the horse races and off we went our way to the exhibits. Boy was there alot of people. You see opening day is only ONE DOLLAR! per person. So you can imagine how packed it was. Later we had lunch and then continued with the exhibits. It was a fun day for us, very hot day but it was fun! We finally were so tired that we decided to leave. We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.I was so tired that I went to bed early. And of course got up earlier, LOL Well I guess this is it for now. Have a great weekend :)
(((((((HUGS))))))))
Cathy

Just some thoughts.

2008-09-05T07:57:00.000-07:00

A couple of my dear phriends have helped me start this blog of MINE. I read alot of the blogs that many phriends write. They write whatever they please and desire and whatever they want to write about. Some blogs are funny, some interesting, some are happy, some silly and some are sad. One my phriends that helped me with my blog said to me......"And remember Cathy, this is your blog and you can write whatever you want" So with this I say to all those of you that for some reason or other have had to not blog or have had to delete something. Remember this is YOUR blog and you can write whatever you WANT!

((((((((HUGS))))))))
Cathy

Happy Birthday! Martha

2008-09-01T10:15:00.000-07:00

Short but sweet :) Saturday was my sister Martha's 53rd B'day. We had a lil celebration at her daughters house. My sister had just had a round of Chemo last Wednesday, she was not as bad as last time but feeling a little yuckie. I have a neighbor that comes and cooks and cleans for me. Well she came over and made a BIG pot of chicken soup and rice so that I could take over for my sister. Besides what I took, there was beef fajitas, chicken fajitas, pork riblets, potato patties, beans, salad and lets not forget the salsa :) Oh yeah and the cutest lil cake with cupcakes around it! It looked yummy but of course I didnt eat any!
It was very nice and my sister enjoy it!
Hope you all have a pleasent Labor Day Monday!
(((((HUGS)))))
Cathy

My front porch

2008-08-30T09:03:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my front porch. All the brick was layed by husband, a lil help from my son Jose and son Carlos. Before the brick we had sidewalk cement with steps. And of course I had to park my wheelchair out in the garage and walk into the house. Well my husband made it possible for me to be able to ride my wheelchair all the way up to the front door and into the house. I love my front porch it is so relaxing and serene. When we get cool days and breezes I love to just sit out in front and listen to the birds, look at all the plants and flowers. You can't really tell from the pic, but towards the front porch to the left is another brick walkway that I can get to on my wheelchair and that is were my husband planted my vegetable and spice garden. So I go out every morning and see what is ready and I pick it!

So anytime anyone wants to come and enjoy a nice relaxing evening with me in my front porch you are all welcome :)
Have a great holiday weekend!
((HUGS))))
Cathy
A better view of my front porch and the side where I have my vegetable garden , sorry so BIG, LOL

Dream

2008-08-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

I had dream about my daughter last night. In my dream she was black and blue in the face. She was crying and sad. I went up to her and asked her, Mercedes who did this to you? She tells me Chema did (her husband). I was sooooooooo MAD when she told me it was him because supposively he doesn't abuse her. Her husband didnt want me to get near her and wouldn't let me talk to her. But he went into the shower and I tell her, you need to get away from him you need to leave him. She tells me I know Mom but I can't he won't let me. He came out of the shower and was ANGRY because I was talking to her. I tried to calm him down and ask him why he was doing this to her and he just started acting all macho and bullying me! So I just stood back from him. I saw that talking wouldnt do any good so I just left, sad and crying myself. I fianlly woke up!
Well now I am just down and worried about her and I want sooooo much to pick up the phone and call her just to hear her voice. But I know that I shouldn't. She will either be short with me or get me upset like always. A few of my PH phriends know about my situation with my daughter. My 31yr old daughter doesnt care whether I am dead or alive. I know its sounds harsh but that is the truth! My 2 sons tell me to let her be to forget about her, because everytime I call her (yes I call her she doesn't call me, that should be my hint huh?) Well she is short with me and we start arguing about something and I get upset! I get soooo upset that I just cry and cry all day. But how can I forget about her? She is my daughter and I love her. I try and try not to think about her but there is not one single day that I don't think about her! and I want to run to the phone and call her. But I know it will not do any good!
So here I am down and thinking about her and wanting to call her. I have to be strong. And if I feel that I am just to tempted I will run to my PH phriends for support and I know they will get me through this. They are the best phriends someone could aske for :)
Hope you all have a wonderful day
(((((HUGS)))))
CathyL

Off I go

2008-08-27T08:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I decided to take a stroll to Walmart. So I had my husband put on my wheelchair shade on my bike, LOL. I rub suntan lotion on my arms, face and head. Put on my hat, sunglasses, get my water ready and my sours candies. Can't leave home without those! And there I go. I'd say its about 8-9 blocks away from my house. YIKES! I've never timed myself but I say it takes me about 20 minutes one way. It is fun for me because I get out of the house. But I was sooooo HOT omg I actually had to stop and fuel up, LOL with water for myself because I ran out.

I got to Walmart, bought a few things, ate an earlier lunch. And off I go back to my house. I had to stop at every shade that was on the way. Even though I had my shade on it wasn't enough. Finally I got home to my A/C house, what a relief!

After that I was so tired that I had to take a lil nap. Then when my son got home he took me shopping :) He just loves that now, since he gets to drive. He sorta gets me nervous sometimes.

But he does well.

OK, off to fix me something for breakfast, I wasn't hungry earlier but now I am.

Until next time

Cathy

1-2-3 Bald

2008-08-25T06:15:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday was the day. I few weeks back I had mentioned to a few of my phriends in chat that if my sister Martha lost her hair because of Chemo. That to show her my support I was going to bald myself. Well I would call her once or twice a week to ask her how she was doing and at the same time I would ask, how's the hair? She would tell me its falling off little at a time. Another time she told me, I'm going to go get fitted for a wig. So yesterday I called her and I asked her how she was doing, she said I'm good, I'm eating almost anything right now. I asked her if she wanted to come over for a late lunch. And by the way, How's the hair? She tells me it was all falling of so she had her son shave it off. Then we decided on 1:00pm at my house.
I said OK Catalina today is the day. I called my neighbor and asked her if her husband could do it for me, she said yes that they were going to mass and would be back about 1:00pm.. Oh darn it! what I'm I going to tell me sis? When I leave to the neighbors house. My sister arrives, sporting her new wig. (looks just like her own hair) I tell her, hey that looks just like your own hair, it looks good! Then I tell her can I see? She takes of her wig and shows me her beautiful bald head.
I tried very hard to keep my tears with me and I did!
My other sister Peregrina calls me and asked, did you do it yet? Oh gosh my sister Martha is sitting right by me. I couldn't think of what to tell my sister Peregrina, so that my sister Martha wouldn't find out what we were up to. So I say, well come on over but I have to go real quick to my neighbors house, to translate a paper for her. After beating around the bush my sister Peregrina finally gets it, and tells me OK I'm going to do it right now also and be right over.
My neighbor finally calls and tells me We're home are you ready? I said yes, I will be right over! I tell mys sister Martha, I'm going to go translate a paper real quick for my neighbor I will be right back, she says OK. So off I go in my wheelchair and I arrive and my neighbor asks are you sure, and I start laughing, and say yeah I'm sure. So her husband starts buzzing it all off. Before I could count to ten he was all done. I put on a pretty bandanna, scarf thing on my head and my hat. I go home and I tell my sister, come on beautiful sis lets take some pics outside with your new wig. My son grabs a chair for her and she sits right by me. As my son is getting read to take the pic I take off my hat and scarf and my sister just starts cracking up! She tells me what did you do! I tell her I shaved my head for you, cause I love you and I wanted to show you my support! She hugs me and we take pics. My other sis finally arrives and takes off her hat also and my sister Martha is just laughing and laughing, we take more pics.
We eat lunch and then take more pics. All along my sister Martha is just cracking up. ( you know ever since I can remember I have not seen her ever cry in front of us, she is really strong).
Both my sisters leave and then I tell me son Carlos to drive me to my son Jose's house to pick up some discs of pics from my ol PC, so off we go. when we arrive I call my son and tell him can you bring the discs out we are here. (I had my scarf on) He comes out and looks at me and says, you really did it, didn't you. I tell him I told you I was. He says can I see? I take off my scarf and he starts laughing, LOL. I tell him wheres is Trinity (my granddaughter) and Domenic ( my grandson). He goes and calls them, Trini comes out first and says, grandma what did you do to your hair? I tell her I cut it all off. I tell her rub my head for good luck, LOL , she does. In the meantime there comes Domenic running out to see me. He was at about 5 feet away from me and makes a complete halt! As soon as he saw my head, he stayed away :( He didn't want to come near me at all, we kept telling him to come give gramma a kiss and hug and he says I don want to. (he is 5 yrs old). I could see him from the corner of my eye he would look at me then look down. But he would not budge! Oh well :( I hope it wasn't to much for him seeing me like that!
All in all it was a good day, we laughed so much my 2 sis and I, something I really needed to do :)
Now I still don't know how to post pics on here, so I cant show you any, sowyyyyy :(
But...... I did ask my phriend Colleen to post one for me on the PH boards. And she said she would!
Well I hope you all have a wonderful day!
((((((HUGS)))))
Cathy

Mami and Grami move over

2008-08-23T06:33:00.000-07:00

Today I had an appt to have a mamogram done. Since my sister was recently Dx with breast cancer. It was suggested to us that we go have one done. I hate having those done, the tech takes your boob one at a time lays it on a flat surface that goes up and down depending on your height. She moves your breast around and positions it then a thing comes down and squeezes it. Of course your boob gets stuck once she's done and needs to come and help up unstick it. Ok boob # 2 it's your turn. Well she takes about 4 pics of my BIG boobs! Finally over :)
Next I go across the building to get my monthly blood drawn another fun thing to do NOT!
By the time I'm all done its about lunch time and I'm starving ( I hardly eat nowadays but I am starving). We go to a mexican restuarant, where they are serving a buffet. Its really good. I know, I know many of you don't like buffets especially the ones in Vegas. But let me tell you this one is really good. They have hard shell tacos, enchiladas, chiles rellenos, meatball soup.. yummy, carne con chile verde, carne con chile colorado, shrimp in red sauce, plus the famous beans and rice. And then the salads, fruit and dessert. The reason I like to go there is that since I don't eat alot and I've gotten very picky. I can look at all they have and decide on something, serve myself a lil bit of diiferent items and go eat. I carefully taste them one at a time and If I like I eat it and if I dont I set it to the side and can go try something else. My husband was surprised that I actually ate pretty good.
We head off to the house now. Boy do I need a nap. Once we get there my husband recieves a call from his new brother-in-law. New because we recently had contact with my husbands 1/2 sister, which the last time he saw her she was about 5yrs old. Anyway he invites over to celebrate my husbands sisters B'day. Goshhhh I hate last minute invites, no gift, nothing! so I decide to take out my beads and in a few, I make her a crystal bracelet. And I was still able to take my nap :)
We are on our merry way to his sisters house, arrive around 6:30 pm. Right away they serve us, Hamburgers and HotDogs, well I pile the Hamburgers on my husbands plate, LOL and I eat 1/2 a hot dog. About an hour later they come out with a bowl of cheviche... yuck, and platters and platters of steamed shrimp. Now those I will have some of.... but I hate peeling them. They were yummy. They finaly cut the cake, I passed on it. Soon after that we left, and got home at 12:30.
I was tired and sleepy. Nite, nite for me :)

Today my son Jose, my daughter-law and kids are coming over to take Carlos and myself to breakfast. So I need to get ready. I will try to post later if not tomorrow.
Hope you all have a great weekend.
Later all :)

Shop Shop Shop til you drop

2008-08-22T06:27:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday I ended up calling my 2 sisters to see if they would like to join me in some shopping at one of the outlet malls that we have over here. One already had plans and the other one said sure! I called my husband and asked him if he could come home and put up my wheelchair on the ramp, he is so sweet he said I'll be right there. So once im in the car ( I havent driven in almost a year now) and my wheelchair is secure and ready to go. Im on my way to meet my sister half way, her husband dropped her off. We jump on the freeway and there we go. Boy did it feel weird driving, and boy was I speeding, LOL
We got to our distination and we shopped til we dropped. After that we went and had a late lunch early supper, it was yummy. Chicken, ribs, baked beans, home fries, corn on the cob and a cornbread muffin and......lemonade :) Of course I took a few bites of everything and ended up bringing almost all of it home. My son enjoyed eating the rest though.

I took her back to where I picked her up so that her husband could meet her. We said our good-byes, we thanked each other for the wonderful enjoyable day.
I headed on home..... boy was I tired. I dont think I want to drive myself again, Im not ready for it yet.... maybe some day, but I do know that right now I'm not ready.
It was good to be home thats for sure :)
This is all for now..... have a wonderful day!

Beginning of my journey

2008-08-21T08:27:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

This is my first time blogging. So please bare with me :)

This will be the beginning of a very long journey. Here you will read about my ups and downs, my happiness my sadness, my good and my bad. And my daily doings. My family and my phriends. And sometimes my OOPS I DID IT AGAIN! or DID I DO THATTT? LOL

I want to take the opportunity to thank my phriend Melonlady/Colleen for helping me with this blog. I tend to goof up alot and she came to my rescue...... Thx phriend :)

Well I GTG now I am on my way out, somewhere, I don't know where yet, we'll see what way my wheelchair points.

Bye for now

Cathy