Memories

Yesterday was 2 yrs that Mason Hoffman passed. I still remember the day clearly. I was going to write in this blog today all the events that happened that die that he passed. And I started to write all about it. Then I said NO! I am not going to do this, Mason would not want me to.

So instead I am going to write about all the good times we shared together. I met Mason in chat and he is the one that kept insisting that I go to the SG meetings. I remember he kept bugging me about them. So I finaly decided to go to one and that is were I met Mason in person. He was sorta shy at first. But he had a great smile and very handsome young man I may add! We had lunch at diff times, with his mom and a few other PH friends. The another time we had lunch with his Dad and another PH friend! They were happy times. and the food was delicious!lol. In chat he was so cute and funny.. he always made us LOL. Telling us make up stories. He was very informative also! He would help out with any information that he could! I remember him always telling me. You have to take care of you! I remember farming with him, he would ask me. Cathney are u buying FT coins?lol he thought i was spending real money on FT! I told him the secret. I said you have to go to market and say hi ( dont beg though) and tell people you want to work!:) We had alots of fun. I know that their are other good memories about him. But I CRS right now! lol

I miss Mason very much and yes I get sad! But.... then I think and say to myself, He is in a better place where he no longer suffers and he can breathe easy!

I love you Buddy! You will forever be in my heart.. and until the day we meet again! Ride that DirtBike of yours and BREATHEEEE :)))

(((Hugz))) to all :)

Cathy

Shutmedown

HI all :)
I havent been here ufffff... In a long time, I really dont know where to start on this.
I am going through a really tuff time right now.. My daughter who told me that she would help me out after I got out of hosp. told me she was busy when I called her and asked if she could come change sheets on my bed! Pleaseee how long can that take a healthy person to do that? 10-15 minutes? Aha but no time to do it... she is very busy with all the kids soccer practice is what she told me. Oh well...
My son Carlos has left, he no longer lives here... His girlfriend had the nerve to come onto my property and come into my gargage after she called me a Terrible Mother and a Crazy Fat Fuckin Bitch! Yeap thats what she called me.. I told Carlos and he just ignored it. Well the day that his GF had the nerve to come on to my property I told her... Get out of my propery! I said... you have the nerve!! ANd of course Carlos ran to her defense. I told him.. she disrespected me and u r disrespeting me also by allowing her to come back here.. He said she tiold u that becuz the way u treated her.. OK>> so I ddint talk to her... after I saw that she was a LAZY ASS SLOB.. she didnt even pick up her own bedroom and bathroom! What does that tell u about her... I was never rude to her and would say bye to her when she said it to me! Even though she was rude to me many times ( I didnt bother telleing carlos cuz he would jsut defend her) So back to that day... He told me u r not going to have me pick between u and her.. I said I am not asking u to do so! But I dont not wnat her in or on my property.. I told him be with her.. marry her if thats what u want.. but not here! So he said he was gonna leave.. I told him well that on you! Ur disission.. so he left. If he does comes he just goes into hir room.. stays about 5 mins the most then he leaves.
So now to my other son.. His wife, who BTW is a Christain and has strong believes... Wont allow me to see my son or my grandkids! Yeap she wont! I send him a text today telling him that I wanted to see them... he texts me back and tells me.. that I need to talk to her OMG!! What does he want?? for me to go on my knees begging to her to let me see my OWN son and grankids? That will nver happen.. Well this is all making me sick to my heart.. I ache so much right now. And I am shutting down like I usually do when I get upset about my kids.
I wish I could just NOTcare.. but I do.. its not easy being a mother.. I thought I had brought up my kids well.. but I guess I ddint.. And I striongly believe what they are telling me and what they think of me! Yeap that I am a TERRIBLE Mother... hell yea! its true.. not only does one of my kids beleieve that ALL of my 3 kids beleive that! AND now to top it off their GF and wife are telling me the samething... I cant take it anymore.. I just cant! I dont know what to do..

Love to all!

Im back

Gosh so many things going on here at home, was/is having problems with Carlos and his GF.. lazy! I was having alot of stress and aches and pains. So many problems and slow solutions!

My heart seems to be worker harder also, so Ph Dr decided to put me on new heart med. This is the first time I will be taking a heart med. Its called Digitoxin, or something like that, you know me and giving meds new names when I forget how to spell them! Ok so so far I have gotten nausea, I feel like barfing, the first day I got a dizzy spell for a few seconds. I am not sure if this new med is gonna work for me, I mean just by gettin up from Willie to go to the bathroom my heart starts racing.. so we will see. Oh and BTW one thing I need to watch with this pill is that I cant eat fiber 1 hr before or 1 hr after I take the pill.. because fiber causes you to go potty and apperently you will crap that baby out! But... ok... so what about the Remo crapping... I mean Remo makes me go crap also! So I'm i supposed to hold it and wait?? Hmmm I dunno about that! Crap crap crap!

Weather has been nice here in So Calif lately mid upper 80's and chilly at night brrrr. But It supposed to get HOT again upper 90's starting tomorrow Sunday.... grrrr I hate Hot I have to stay indoors if not I will pay dearly! I did take advantage though and bought some new soil that my sister recommended to me. Its called Mositure Control by Miracle Grow, so I redid some planted pots and U bought a few new pots that I found on clearance at Target and also some dead lookin impatients and starbrust flowers.. all they needed was some love, attention, a clip here a clip there some vitamins water and WaaaLaaa.. pretty plants :) I love plants, Carlos gets mad at me when I buy plants, (well he gets mad everytime I buy something) And he tells me more plants? Why do you need more plants. You know he is my son and I love him sooo much but he is getting on my nerves! And that is not good!

Now on the Bead front? I did finally get my business cards... yayyyy. Carlos did them for me and he also came up with the name for me. Its called "JustBeadItNow" I kinda like it... The cards are pink background and they have a beaded "awareness ribbon" in periwinkle color. I will post maybe at some other time.. Ok so why ahvent I been beading? Well I really got discouraged over something that happened a few months ago. I think it really affected me and what I am/was able to do or create with beads, I have always gotten alot of compliments on my work and that would always make me feel good. Trying not to copy anyone and just trying to come up with my own ideas! Or designs made me feel even better. Well now I feel that its not worth it anymore. I have all these beads and supplies and I just do not have the motivation to start up again. I was actually even thinking of just boxing everything and putting it all away, but I've been asked about Christmas colors now so i dont know.. maybe maybe not. It will ahve to take something really BIG to get me out of this rut that I feel now about beading!

Well thanks for reading, hope u all ahve a great day!

Hugs
Cathy

Conference, big surpirse, conference and assumptions

So I decided that even after having some issues here at home that I was not gonna let that forbid me from going to conference. I waited till the last minute to pack, lol. But I finaly did and Carlos took me on my merry way to the hotel at Garden Grove, where the 2010 PHA Conference was gonna be held. We checked in and rested for awhile. I receved a text from Jas a PHriend that she had landed and was on her way to hotel. I decided to go down to lobby to meet with her and as I was strolling down the lobby I see her in the registration line, see shes me right away also and starts moving towrds me! I say to her no no dont get outta line I will come to you. I reach her and we give each other a big hug! It was so awesome to get to finaly meet her. We go up to her room that she was gonna share with Aylce another Phriend she introduces me to Alyce and a friend of Alyce! It was so nice to meet Alyce also, she is a very cool lady and I really liked her friend also. Next day Marcia, Ellen, Drini and Ali arrive it was very nice to meet ali also and good to see Drini, Marcia and Ellen again.. oh and I also met Hooper, Ellen's husband. We went and had dinner with Dale and Laura, Mason's dad and sister, It was a very nice dinner,, Marcia and I ended up talking about Mason's farm in Farmtown, that was funny we were gettinfg funny looks from Ellen , lol.

So later on that evening while back at Hotel I meet some more PHriends and what? to my surprise! I saw something that I was NOT expecting to see over there at conference. I mean my jaw just dropped I my chest started aching, my heart racing and I just wannted to throw-up! This was very stressful for me and I let the other party involved know exactly how I felt about it! I had to EAT verything up and ACT like if nothing had happened and contiunue on with conference.

We then went up to my room I had taken Coronitas, a Cornonita bucket (like the ones they ahve at resturant) salt and limes. I also took some Tequila and some shot glasses. Carlos helped me set everything up and Phriends started to arrive. Drini, Ali, Marcia, Jas, Ellen, Hooper and then Stu. Ellen and Hooper brought some wine and goodies. We had hotel maintence come and hook up Karokee for us so we had our shot of tequila, a few had coronitas and we started singing, both english and spanish songs.. that was really fun! We all had a great time. The other days were spent in sessions, talking eating and hust hanging out and meeting other Pher's.

Fast forward to Sunday. I come home and deciced to ck my emails and stuff. I see this email from the same person that I let know how I felt. I was told how this person felt in this email, which was fine! But with the ASSUMPTION that I did NOT get affected by all this and that this did NOT make me sick to my stomach! I ahve been more then kind and generous with this person and it really tikcs me to think that I am not allowed to feel.. I am also human and I also ahve PH.

I also started wondering about those that are my Phriends.. and never contacted me via text to ask me how I was at conference NOT ONE TEXT.. oh yeah I could of sent them a text.. but.. I didnt want them to think that I was bragging/ So hmmmm just make me wonder??

I decided that I would not ALLOW no one to take advantage of the fact that I am a nice person. I wish I were a mean BITCH and NOT give a hoot about anyone else.. but I cant be that way.. but I am sure gonna try not to let people step all over me.. I also realized that asking others to do things for me isnt such a good idea! I need to learn to STOP! lol

So I am home. I am glad to be home, but I sure wish I would of had more time to be with my PHriends. I miss them so much already :)

I know that when I am MAD as hell that I says things that may have hurt others, but when I realize wht I ahve done I do aplogize but others have to realize what they have also done. And I am not saying this because I want an apology or want anyone to keep apologizing to me beacuase I will not do that my self ( I mean keep saying I am sorry over and over again) But I need others to realize that I also HAVE feelings!

Thnx for reading

Cathy

June 14th was a year

That mt best of bestess buddy Mason, went to Heaven. I went to go see him at hospital. My son Carlos, that also knew Mason took me. I have never liked visiting people in hospitals. But I knew I had to go see him. And.... I had to say good-bye to him. I went in behalf of some PH friends. I held his hand and I told him that it was ok, that everything was gonna be ok. I think that was one of the most difficult days of my life. After we left the hospital, I received the call that I was dreadin, he was gone.. I was told that he passed as soon as we had left the hospital, Carlos and I cried and cried so much.

I sill miss him very much, he was soooo young and I wish he would of gotten a second chance at life, but he didnt. I ask why, even though we are told we are not supposed to ask. I still do. I know he is in a better place and not suffering. So that makes it a bit better.

On another note. I have being going through s ruff time right now. At first I didnt know what the heck was going on, and I was like going crazy and just crying and cying every single day every single minute. Seems that everything was going wrong. Not just here at home. All I wanted to do is sleep. I would get up take my meds and go back to bed. Sleep sleep and more sleep.. Just to tyr to forget. Well things are a bit better now.. still not good and I really ahve no idea what the heck is next. But I am a bit calmer. I am still sleeping alot. Which is good, for me. I am trying to concentrate on PH Conference. I've been trying to bead, but cant seem to get into the bead mode.. Things happen that you jsut dont expect and that just turns the bead mode off.. well for me anyways. Conference is next week and I have not finished what I wanted to finish by that time. Maybe its isnt meant for me to take my Jewelry to conference, Maybe it jsut isnt meant for me to bead anymore.. I dunno.. I try to start beading and I do, but then I remember things and just leave everything unfinished and go to the living room. I cant get into it..

Now the other day I went shopping and I took the bus as usual and went to the stores that I normally go to. On my way home about 2 blocks (very long blocks) I notice that Willie aka my wheelchair was running on low, uh oh! I started PHreaking out! I thought I wasnt gonna make it home and was gonna be stuck in the middle of the street when crossing. I had to stop every ferw minutes turn willie off and restart. I prayed that I would get home and willie not die on me. I finally got home, poor willie chugged, chugged and chugged away but he did not fail me :) Ok so I put willie to charge, in the eveing i had to go get my Rx from pharmacy, so there I go on willie again. I was at crosswalk and some cars stopped so that I could cross. I was in the middle of cross walk and all of a sudden I see this car turning right into me.. OMG I just screamed and I guess the A/H heard me and he looked!! He had to swerve sp? away to avoind hitting me! I yelled at him crying and said YOU A/H. He jsut looked at me and took off. I just stayed there and the people from the cars that had let me go bye. Had to get off and ask me if I wa alright I was jsut crying and crying. I finally got control of myslef and continued on to the sidewalk. Heck thats not me way of dying! Being hit by a car! We tried to get his license plate # but he took off sooo fast that we just couldnt read it!

Ok I guess this is it for now.. til next time.

Thnx for reading!

Cathy

Disappointments and Decissions...

So here I am again, it seems that all I wanna do is vent :(
Last week one of my sis calls me and tells me that she is now going to make bracelets like the ones I make to start selling. I had mentioned to a few family members that it was going good for me as far as the sales. When I first started making the Swarsovski Crystal Bead Bracelets ( years ago) I gave to all my female family members one or two each of their fav color.. They loved them so much that I decided to start giving them as gifts! So one one of my sis decided to start making them for herself (like mine) and then started making them for gifts. Well now she is making them to sell.
I was sooooo mad!! Do I have a right to be? I feel this is my thing? And she could of easily told the person of interest that I make them! Instead of saying yeah! I will make you one to sell to you!
A Phriend asked me to make a certain color bracelets and to start selling them. I said hey! Thats a good idea! I can even make the pins that color! I told her. So I mentioned it to a few people and I even mentioned it in chat that I was looking for a certain color bead to make these bracelets. I even asked for advice about colors!
Now to my surprise it turns out that someone else came up with the same idea! The same idea that my PHriend told me about back in February! Iwas like what? So I decided not to do them. I decided that I was only going to make one for my Phriend. I was very disappointed about this. And now to top it off I have absolutely no mood for beading. I dont even want to continues to make the PH Perwinkle Pins that I have been making. I dont want to do anything that ahs to do with beads right now! And the saod part is that I love beading.. One day in chat I even came up with a name for another me and another PHriend... I said we are HEAVEY BEADERS! I even wanyted to try to change my Etsy site to HEAVEY BEADER! But now :( I just want to let it be.
I go into my PC/Beading Room and try to start to bead and I cant concentrate.. Maybe my beading days are over.. I dont know! Im I wrong on this also? Should I not be upset that someone else wants to do my idea? I really need advice on both these beading issues?
Anway so as far ad PH I am stable no increases right now, hopfully not for a while.. but I havent been sleeping that well. And this has nothing to do with the time change, it started before the time change. So I dunno what to think of that?

Hope you all have a good day.. thanx for reading


Cathy

Displays.....

OK, So ive been trying to stary busy with my beading. I have made quite a few bracelets, not many sales yet :( But im hopeful.
I decided to go online and check out displays for my jewelry.. OMG they are soooo expensive!! So I decided to go on another mission and look for used ones at swapmeet. We can actually go to a swapmeet over here everyday cept Monday!! LOL... I LOVE IT!! OK, so I went and looked and looked and no luck! Darn it when I need or want something I can never find it and when I dont it its right there! Grrrrrr!! Anyway I saw alot of displays but... the sellers didnt want to part with them because they were using them for their own jewelry. So i decided to go take another route.. hmmmm I started thinking (not my kind of thing to do). And I said to myself I will look for items that are not necessarly for jewelry but... can be used for it. I found quite a few things that I was able to use. I didnt find them all in one day. But I did find some. And they have turned out pretty good as displays.
First this is a pair metal tealight holders that I bought for $4.00 a pair! They are dragonflys so I can use the wings to hang bracelets and the shade I can use to hang earrings. My husband said he could even drill some tiny, tiny holes on the shade for better hanging of earrings :)


This next one is actually a vase its two hands together and I like it to display a bracelet. I paid 50 cents for it! Yes .50 cents :)




This next one is a half statue of a lady, she is sorta scratch, but when I saw her I just loved her and had to have her! I paid $4.00 for her.


This is the same statue but I put my pink hat on her, lol. BTW she is also a good hat holder :)

This next one is a cup holder, I use this to hang strands of beads and I alsi use it to holder my beading wire spool! I paid $1.00 for it.


This next one I actually did buy new online and its a bracelet display folder. I take this with me when I go places and when people ask about my jewelry that I have one. I bring it out. This was about $10.00 plus shipping :)


OK so this are some of my GREAT finds I still have a few more, but those might be shared next time :) So you see if you set your mind to it and think, lol... You can actually find some nice things and dont have to spend an arm and a leg!

So another note.. Ive been increasing Remo, first I got a really bad bad tummy ache that last a few days! And now I have bad bad foot pain, I am taking so many drugs for pain and I dont relly like the way I feel. Im waiting to see what my PH Dr. advices and what I should do. In the meantime I did go down on Remo 1 nano.. see if that helps :)

Thanks for reading!!

Cathy