Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Conference, big surpirse, conference and assumptions

So I decided that even after having some issues here at home that I was not gonna let that forbid me from going to conference. I waited till the last minute to pack, lol. But I finaly did and Carlos took me on my merry way to the hotel at Garden Grove, where the 2010 PHA Conference was gonna be held. We checked in and rested for awhile. I receved a text from Jas a PHriend that she had landed and was on her way to hotel. I decided to go down to lobby to meet with her and as I was strolling down the lobby I see her in the registration line, see shes me right away also and starts moving towrds me! I say to her no no dont get outta line I will come to you. I reach her and we give each other a big hug! It was so awesome to get to finaly meet her. We go up to her room that she was gonna share with Aylce another Phriend she introduces me to Alyce and a friend of Alyce! It was so nice to meet Alyce also, she is a very cool lady and I really liked her friend also. Next day Marcia, Ellen, Drini and Ali arrive it was very nice to meet ali also and good to see Drini, Marcia and Ellen again.. oh and I also met Hooper, Ellen's husband. We went and had dinner with Dale and Laura, Mason's dad and sister, It was a very nice dinner,, Marcia and I ended up talking about Mason's farm in Farmtown, that was funny we were gettinfg funny looks from Ellen , lol.
So later on that evening while back at Hotel I meet some more PHriends and what? to my surprise! I saw something that I was NOT expecting to see over there at conference. I mean my jaw just dropped I my chest started aching, my heart racing and I just wannted to throw-up! This was very stressful for me and I let the other party involved know exactly how I felt about it! I had to EAT verything up and ACT like if nothing had happened and contiunue on with conference.
We then went up to my room I had taken Coronitas, a Cornonita bucket (like the ones they ahve at resturant) salt and limes. I also took some Tequila and some shot glasses. Carlos helped me set everything up and Phriends started to arrive. Drini, Ali, Marcia, Jas, Ellen, Hooper and then Stu. Ellen and Hooper brought some wine and goodies. We had hotel maintence come and hook up Karokee for us so we had our shot of tequila, a few had coronitas and we started singing, both english and spanish songs.. that was really fun! We all had a great time. The other days were spent in sessions, talking eating and hust hanging out and meeting other Pher's.
Fast forward to Sunday. I come home and deciced to ck my emails and stuff. I see this email from the same person that I let know how I felt. I was told how this person felt in this email, which was fine! But with the ASSUMPTION that I did NOT get affected by all this and that this did NOT make me sick to my stomach! I ahve been more then kind and generous with this person and it really tikcs me to think that I am not allowed to feel.. I am also human and I also ahve PH.
I also started wondering about those that are my Phriends.. and never contacted me via text to ask me how I was at conference NOT ONE TEXT.. oh yeah I could of sent them a text.. but.. I didnt want them to think that I was bragging/ So hmmmm just make me wonder??
I decided that I would not ALLOW no one to take advantage of the fact that I am a nice person. I wish I were a mean BITCH and NOT give a hoot about anyone else.. but I cant be that way.. but I am sure gonna try not to let people step all over me.. I also realized that asking others to do things for me isnt such a good idea! I need to learn to STOP! lol
So I am home. I am glad to be home, but I sure wish I would of had more time to be with my PHriends. I miss them so much already :)
I know that when I am MAD as hell that I says things that may have hurt others, but when I realize wht I ahve done I do aplogize but others have to realize what they have also done. And I am not saying this because I want an apology or want anyone to keep apologizing to me beacuase I will not do that my self ( I mean keep saying I am sorry over and over again) But I need others to realize that I also HAVE feelings!

Thnx for reading


Thursday, June 17, 2010

June 14th was a year

That mt best of bestess buddy Mason, went to Heaven. I went to go see him at hospital. My son Carlos, that also knew Mason took me. I have never liked visiting people in hospitals. But I knew I had to go see him. And.... I had to say good-bye to him. I went in behalf of some PH friends. I held his hand and I told him that it was ok, that everything was gonna be ok. I think that was one of the most difficult days of my life. After we left the hospital, I received the call that I was dreadin, he was gone.. I was told that he passed as soon as we had left the hospital, Carlos and I cried and cried so much.
I sill miss him very much, he was soooo young and I wish he would of gotten a second chance at life, but he didnt. I ask why, even though we are told we are not supposed to ask. I still do. I know he is in a better place and not suffering. So that makes it a bit better.
On another note. I have being going through s ruff time right now. At first I didnt know what the heck was going on, and I was like going crazy and just crying and cying every single day every single minute. Seems that everything was going wrong. Not just here at home. All I wanted to do is sleep. I would get up take my meds and go back to bed. Sleep sleep and more sleep.. Just to tyr to forget. Well things are a bit better now.. still not good and I really ahve no idea what the heck is next. But I am a bit calmer. I am still sleeping alot. Which is good, for me. I am trying to concentrate on PH Conference. I've been trying to bead, but cant seem to get into the bead mode.. Things happen that you jsut dont expect and that just turns the bead mode off.. well for me anyways. Conference is next week and I have not finished what I wanted to finish by that time. Maybe its isnt meant for me to take my Jewelry to conference, Maybe it jsut isnt meant for me to bead anymore.. I dunno.. I try to start beading and I do, but then I remember things and just leave everything unfinished and go to the living room. I cant get into it..
Now the other day I went shopping and I took the bus as usual and went to the stores that I normally go to. On my way home about 2 blocks (very long blocks) I notice that Willie aka my wheelchair was running on low, uh oh! I started PHreaking out! I thought I wasnt gonna make it home and was gonna be stuck in the middle of the street when crossing. I had to stop every ferw minutes turn willie off and restart. I prayed that I would get home and willie not die on me. I finally got home, poor willie chugged, chugged and chugged away but he did not fail me :) Ok so I put willie to charge, in the eveing i had to go get my Rx from pharmacy, so there I go on willie again. I was at crosswalk and some cars stopped so that I could cross. I was in the middle of cross walk and all of a sudden I see this car turning right into me.. OMG I just screamed and I guess the A/H heard me and he looked!! He had to swerve sp? away to avoind hitting me! I yelled at him crying and said YOU A/H. He jsut looked at me and took off. I just stayed there and the people from the cars that had let me go bye. Had to get off and ask me if I wa alright I was jsut crying and crying. I finally got control of myslef and continued on to the sidewalk. Heck thats not me way of dying! Being hit by a car! We tried to get his license plate # but he took off sooo fast that we just couldnt read it!
Ok I guess this is it for now.. til next time.
Thnx for reading!