Displays.....

OK, So ive been trying to stary busy with my beading. I have made quite a few bracelets, not many sales yet :( But im hopeful.
I decided to go online and check out displays for my jewelry.. OMG they are soooo expensive!! So I decided to go on another mission and look for used ones at swapmeet. We can actually go to a swapmeet over here everyday cept Monday!! LOL... I LOVE IT!! OK, so I went and looked and looked and no luck! Darn it when I need or want something I can never find it and when I dont it its right there! Grrrrrr!! Anyway I saw alot of displays but... the sellers didnt want to part with them because they were using them for their own jewelry. So i decided to go take another route.. hmmmm I started thinking (not my kind of thing to do). And I said to myself I will look for items that are not necessarly for jewelry but... can be used for it. I found quite a few things that I was able to use. I didnt find them all in one day. But I did find some. And they have turned out pretty good as displays.
First this is a pair metal tealight holders that I bought for $4.00 a pair! They are dragonflys so I can use the wings to hang bracelets and the shade I can use to hang earrings. My husband said he could even drill some tiny, tiny holes on the shade for better hanging of earrings :)


This next one is actually a vase its two hands together and I like it to display a bracelet. I paid 50 cents for it! Yes .50 cents :)




This next one is a half statue of a lady, she is sorta scratch, but when I saw her I just loved her and had to have her! I paid $4.00 for her.


This is the same statue but I put my pink hat on her, lol. BTW she is also a good hat holder :)

This next one is a cup holder, I use this to hang strands of beads and I alsi use it to holder my beading wire spool! I paid $1.00 for it.


This next one I actually did buy new online and its a bracelet display folder. I take this with me when I go places and when people ask about my jewelry that I have one. I bring it out. This was about $10.00 plus shipping :)


OK so this are some of my GREAT finds I still have a few more, but those might be shared next time :) So you see if you set your mind to it and think, lol... You can actually find some nice things and dont have to spend an arm and a leg!

So another note.. Ive been increasing Remo, first I got a really bad bad tummy ache that last a few days! And now I have bad bad foot pain, I am taking so many drugs for pain and I dont relly like the way I feel. Im waiting to see what my PH Dr. advices and what I should do. In the meantime I did go down on Remo 1 nano.. see if that helps :)

Thanks for reading!!

Cathy

It's Been Awhile

So I've been gone.. hmm cant remember the last time I posted on my blog... oh well CRS is part of PH :)

So anyway, been thoough alot of changes since then. My baby Carlos, is now living with his older brother and going to The Art Institute of San Bernardino. He is 18 and he is going for his Associates Degree. I am proud of him, I miss him alot, but in the long run I guess its better he is with his Bro. He has alot of homework and since his bro is almost a graduate of the same school he helps him with his homework and things that he doesnt understand. And his BIG bro takes care of him. He does come to see me when he gets a chance, more than my other kids! LOL. I wish I could see him every day but thats not possible and I understand that. I am sorta glad (sorta) that he is not here to see me going on with this DAMNed PH, he saw me go through it at first and he was younger and I dont want that for him, I want him to concentrate more on his school and not have to deal with me and my stuff :)

My PH Dr left for Boston, Mass so that was really hard on me, it was like if it was the end of the world when I heard about that.... well yeah, maybe not that end of the world, but I guess you would have to be in my shoes to understand. I just could not believe that he would leave, but it did happen.

So I had to choose another PH Dr because I still wanted to go to UCSD. My new PH Dr is ok.. I need to get used to him, LOL or him of me :) Hmmm I wonder what will come first? I am glad though to still have my same PH nurse Sandee :) she is a doll, she is my best special PH nurse ever! LOL. I care for her alot, not just as my nurse but as a real friend.

I had my yearly RHC on Jan 5th, and after a long year of Remo and its sides! I did NOT IMPROVE, I didnt get WORSE, either but I was hoping I was getting better. So now I have been increasing my Remo and I have been dealing with lots more sides, it seems. I tend to feel more depressed and I tend to shut down from the rest of the PH world! I am having way more BAD days than GOOD days, and Im not happy with that :( I am sleeping better at night and I am taking more naps LOL. Naps are good :) well sometimes they are.. hehehe. I have also been trying to stay busy with my beading, it takes my mind off of other things.. like PH. I have set up website on Esty for my jewelry, but its not as easy as I thought.... I guess it takes time. I came up with some new designs for bracelets and I am hoping I can post them tomorrow on my site. OMG they look so pretty danty (sp)? I like danty :)

OK I guess this is all for now, hope I dont take forever again to post :) Thanks for reading.

HUGS

Cathy

But You Don't Look Sick

I wish I looked as good as I feel. I get alot of...... wowww you look so good! If people only knew what we PHer's have to go through to make ourselfs look good. Most of the time my smiles are fake! Sometimes I hate taking pics, and whoever takes them always makes me smile. And sometimes I feel so terrible that I don't want to smile. My pics come out with a BIG smile on my face, therefore people assume that I feel GREAT! I have not felt GREAT in a very long time. I can say that sometimes I feel ok or maybe even good, but not GREAT! When you have PH there are alot of BAD days for us... more bad then good! We take one day at a time. That is the only way we can do this. PH is a disease that takes everything out of us. We need a cure. Fight for our cause! And don't assume that because we look good we feel good!
Thanks for reading :)

Cathy

November is PH Awareness Month

I cant say I will post everyday. November is PH Awareness Month. And I will write about how it affected my husband, children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters and ME. We need to spread the word out. Many patients are misdiagnosed each day. It is very frustrating when you are told by Dr's that there is nothing wrong with you! You know something is wrong, but they tell you different. And when you are finally told what you have, it feels like if something was just lifted off of you, like a BIG relief. Even though you are told that you have a LIFE threathing disease, you are glad that you finally know what you have!
It has been very hard on me and my family. So much confusion so many tears, to much acceptance, alot of pain. So many downfalls. But... I am glad that I know what I have. I know what I can expect. I know my limits, even though sometimes I am overhelmed. And sometimes, yes I over do it and pay for it the next day... but stubborness is a part of me that well.. will never go away.... Please speard the word about PH and lets hope a cure is found soon!

On another note I started a new PH med on Saturday. Its called Adcirca. I am having the usaual side effects that go with this med, but I am hopeful that it will work for me and help me feel better. I don't ask for alot better just a bit :) The elephant that decided to come visit me and sit its PHat arse on my chest has finally gone back where it belongs, and my SOB is getting better. I am also much better with my stress and my sadness, its getting better, still there but... thnx to my bff JenC. I have a better attitude and I am doing better, I dont know what I would of done without her. Thank-you so much JenC... you are the best friend anyone could ever ask for :) And thnx for not leaving me in my time of need... luv ya

Cathy

Regrets... Forgive and Forget

I know most of you have had regrets at one time or another. Ive had many some very painful ones. Sometimes in a rage, or anger or madness we say things that we dont really mean! But later its too late, even though I say I am sorry, its still there and will be for the rest of my life. I have regreted many things. Its hard for me to get over them.. yeah.. get over it, it's easier said then done, when it comes to me. When I say something or do something that I later regret I will apologize for it, once I realize the harm I have done. But I cant forget about it, not for awhile anyway. Now comes forgive and forget, yes I can always forgive but then I can't forget about it. I know I have to move on, but somethings what can be forgiven can not easily be forgotten. I have dealt with this for a very long timeand I am talkinga bout years and years. I have tried very hard to change this in me, but I guess the suffering just takes over and I can't. Back to regrets... One thing I know for sure is NOT regreting having my 3 kids. I love them sooo much that it hurts. I guess you have to be a mom to understand. I lost my parents at a young age and that hurt so much, that I cant imagine ever looseing one of my kids. And I can only imagine the pain and suffering a mother goes through if they ever loose a child, young or adult.

One good thing I do hve to say is that my only daughter has finally come around, and I hope its forever. She has been coming around for about 5 months now. And about 3 weeks ago she apologized to me for the way she treated me before and how she treated me as a teenager. She told me she was young and stupid and now she realizes what I went through and what it is to be going through that. It's kinda sad that she ahd to see for herself with her kids to come to me and apologize. But I'm happy that she finally did. I accepted her apology, ( and BTW I DID NOT TELL HER I TOLD YOU SO) I was just happy! She told me that she loved me and I told her I loved her also!

I've been still trying to deal with alot of caca in my life, PH and otherwise. Many mixed emotions and dissapointments. I have still been very sad and not thinking right. But someone has set me straight! And even though she did get me MAD!! And I don't agree with what she did. I am thankful that I have her in my life and I luv her! I guess we can agree to disagree??

Ok enough hope all is well with the rest of you!






Cathy

To vent or not to vent?

I havent blogged in awhile, I do get reminders to do so, but just dont seem to be in the mood or ble to get around to it. But ive been thinking this is the best way to get things off my chest, mind or whereever they may be lurking.

A few weeks back, maybe a month or so ago. I was in chat with some other PHriends, the same ones as usuall, we were all joking around and something was said to me that I did not appreciate. I was upset, I said nite and left chat. I ended up going to FT and when I arrived there were 3 of my Phriends waiting there for me. I was asked if I was ok, I said NO! they knew what was going on of course, because they were in chat when I left. Anyway I VENTED about what happened! Then word got out to the person that I was VENTING about. She mentioned to of my PHriends and said that I went talking to them about her. So this person accused me of talking about her behind her back. I tried to explian that I was asked if I was ok and I answered, never did it cross my mind that I was going to be acccused of talking behind this person's back. Well this person told me she felt sorry for me and that I was no longer her PHriend because she could no longer trust me.......
Ok, so then I went and accused a PHriend of going and blabbing about what I was VENTING about. And to make long story short. Now this PHriend wants nothing to do with me either. She was really upset about me accusing her, which I dont blame her. She said that what I wrote was lame and she also told me that she felt sorry for me and we could no longer be PHriends. I was accused onnce again of making her ill. The past was brought up, which I thought had been resolved. I did apologize to her, but that did not work. All this got out of hand, I feel I can no longer be the same person that I was. I hurt a few of my PHriends feelings, I got them involved in a BIG MESS. Which I never should of done. I have some other things going on right now, so this has not been easy for me. I am sad al the time, just balling at whatever. I am afraid of saying stupid things. Like this for example. Will someone misread or try to misread and take this all wrong? I think that maybe sometimes its better to keep things inside instead of VENTING, that way you will not be accused of otherwise......

Cathy

As I continue....

To grieve for my BEST Buddy in the whole wide world, Mason. I see myself afraid now, afraid of getting too close to some of my PHriends. I am seeing myself more meaner then ever. I am being more of a bitch with an attidtude. I mean, as far as Im concerned I've always been one. But I am more now. I am afraid of losing someone else to this DAMN HORRIBLE DISEASE!
I miss Mason so much, I think about him every single day. It's been 2 months since he passed and almost 2 months since he was layed to rest. But yet it seems like only yesterday he was online IM me or I him, and it seems like only yesterday he was with us all in PH Chat. Just being himself like always. I miss his make up stories that he would tell us :). I miss his smart ass remarks to most! I miss when he would leave without saying goodbye to us and the next day I would scould him :) In a nice way of course. He asked me one time what I was gonna give him if he said goodbye before he left? Somehow a cookie came out of that, so in order to get one he had to said goodbye before he left chat, LOL. And he made sure he asked for his cookie before he left.. hehehehe! I remember alot of his last words to us in chat... very sad. He knew he wasn't going to be with us for long. He knew his time was coming. And deep down inside I knew it also, I just didnt want to accept it. I prayed so much for him, I begged GOD to please not take him, I begged GOD to please pass jis healings hands over his body and make him well. And I begged GOD to take me instead! Maybe it wasnt enough?
I know that he is in heaven and that he is happy and not suffering, I know he is breathing easier and I know he is resting now. But.... I cant help it when I miss him so much! I just wish he would of had a lil more time. We were making plans about what we were gonna do when he got his second set of lungs. But, plans dont always come out the way you want them to.
Mason, buddy... I miss you :)
Together forever we shall be, never apart, maybe in distance, but not in heart!

Cathy