Cathy's Daily Memories: June 2009

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I failed.....

Carlos and I went to Mason's service on Saturday, June 27th, 2009. Marcia, Ellen and Mack where also there.

It was a nice service, there were many there at his service. The reception was very nice. They had collages of Mason with family, friends and PHamily also. Some of the pics where of when he was a baby and as he grew into a wonderful young man. They also had a video of him and they played some of his favorite songs. There was some drama at the reception but that is something that I feel I should not discuss. So I will leave that at that.

So you are probably asking why?? Well... the reason is that I failed all my PHamily and PHriends. I was supposed to go and represent them all and I didn't. I was supposed to let all his family and friends know how much we loved him and how much we cared for him and how he had become part of our daily life. I was supposed to speak on behalf of all of us... and I didn't. He meant so much to many of us and I did NOT have the BALLS to go up there and let everyone know... I was asked by Janet to speak at his service, she told me that Dale had agreed to it. And I did not do it!

I cant seem to let go of this... I know I should, Carlos tells me that the important thing is that Mason did know and that's all that counts. He is right but I cant let this go!

I ask you all to please forgive me for bieng the coward that I am.

Cathy

Monday, June 15, 2009

My Buddy Mason, has gone to heaven.

In 2006 I met Mason in PH chat one evening. I remember me saying that I was from Riatlo, Ca and Mason told me that he lived in San Bernardino, Ca. He asked me if I had ever gone to the local PH Support Group Meeting, I told him no. But that I had been wanting to go but never did make it. He told me that the next one would be in Oct, 2006 and said I should go. My son Carlos and I did go and that is where we met Mason for the first time. I remember he was so shy and I went up to him and introduced myself and Carlos. A very cute and handsome young guy! That was the beginging of a very wonderful relationship. We continued to go to the PH sg meetings and we chatted almost every night on the PHA chat. We was so smart, brave, strong and funny, He always made us laugh.......
He went through alot, he had a double Lung Tx in 2006 and he started rejecting, so he had to be relisted. We all prayed for him very hard and he jsut kept getting worse and worse. But... he would not let anyone of us know that. He didnt want to worry us.
On Sunday June 14th, we got a message that Mason had taken a turn for the worse. I called his mom and I asked her if I could go see him, she told me yes of course. My son Carlos drove me to Los Angeles, Ca about an hour drive. On the way over there I would just be asking myself, what I'm I gonna say to him? When we were going to his room, Mason's dad came around the corner, and told me you cant go in there right now, he just went into cardiac arrest. I said OH NO!! and I started crying. He said that there were about 10 people jumping on him, trying to bring him back. Within a few minutes his Dr came out and told his dad. We brought him back, but it doesn't look good. And we could not go in to see him at that moment. We went to the waiting room with his dad and about an 1/2 hour later his mom came in. She came right up to me and we hugged each other and cried. We talke for awhile, then his big sister came and more people were coming and I told Mason's mom that we should probably go, so that his family could go in and see him. She said NO!! you are his family. We stayed and about another 1/2 hour later his mom said she was going to go check if we could go in already, but she didnt come back, so his dad told me come on lets go see if you can go in now. They let us in ICU and Mason's mom and big sis where waiting in the hallway. Mason's Dr then came out and Mason's mom that he needed to talk to all his family. She then told the Dr that I was his aunt and asked of Carlos and I could go also. Dr said yes. He then took us all to a confernece room. And thats when he told us all that there was nothing that could be done for Mason. And that he would not last the night. We all broke down.
Mason's mom asked the Dr if we could go see him and he said yes. So she told me and Carlos to go in. I asked her are you sure? She said yes.
Carlos and I went in.... It was soooooooooooooo hard to see Mason the way he was and it broke my heart, but I knew then what I had to say. I drove up to him and got as close as I could. I held his hand and I said. Hey buddy its me Cathney (he would always call me that). I told him that his sc, xl, his grammie and all of his PHamily and PHriends, were sending lots of prayers. I told him we all love you very much. And I told him its gonna be ok buddy. I moved back because nurses came in and I was at end of his bed. I touched his leg and we went back to conference room. I told his mom and dad that we were gonna leave already. We gave each other a BIG hug and we left. We were almost home when I got a call from Imelda, she told me that, he had passed already, that she was not able to see him, she got there to late. I cried and cried and cried. A few minutes later Mason;s mom called me and told me he was passed at around 3:30pm I said OMG we went in to see him around 3:20pm.. She told me he passed right after I left his room......
It was very hard to see him the way he was, but.......... I will never, never regret going. I'm glad I did!
Here is a pic of Mason, Jen, Manny, Me and Imelda, one time that we had lunch together.

Cheers Buddy!!! You will always be in my heart. I miss you soooooo much. You are my special angel now. And one day we will see each other again.
I love you so much. Thnx for all the laughs and the great times we had at the SG meetings and when we got together for lunch. You are truly missed!

Cathy ~

Monday, June 1, 2009

Carlos' Graduation

Its been a while now since I posted. I knew what my next post would be. I just needed to get to it.

My son Carlos at the age of 17, graduated from high school on Tuesday May 19th 2009. It was a very stressful and emotional day, for me as well as for him. He really wanted to give up! And I told him NO, YOU WILL NOT GIVE UP! He needed to complete alot of credits, I mean it was like he was doing school and homework 24/7, I knew he could do it and I told him so. I know it was a very stressful time for him. But...... He did it and I am soooooo proud of him :)

Here are some pics :)