Emotional Roller Coaster

Lately I have been with ups and downs, feels like I'm riding a roller coaster. And let me tell I DON'T like roller coasters real or emotional!

Well you see my husband is going to Mexico, he has not been there since 2000. His mom is about 73 yrs old. They are not close but still it's his mom. First he said he would fly, then he said he would take this car, then that car (an old truck that I felt would not make it. So then I suggested the Envoy that we have up for sale. He said yes, I was sorta relieved even though that would mean I would loose out on the AD where I have it posted for sale... Oh, well at least I would be at ease knowing the car would not konk out on him. Ok then he changed his mind again and said no, not the envoy but another truck that we have, but we needed to fix the A/C on it. And he would leave that truck over there in Mexico, for when we went we could fly and not worry about a rental. We both agreed. Then he changed his mind again and said it would be to much to fix the truck right now and since we are trying to buy another house he said he would fly. I got all the flight info for him but I didn't make the reservation. I told him the details and he said ok make the reservation. I didn't make it right away, because we were on our way out. So I told him I would make it when we came back. Well that same day he was out cleaning out the garage.( thats the day that I got upset at him and he ended up taking me to SONIC :) Anyway I went to see what he was doing and he tells me, you know what I changed my mind, I'm going to fix the truck and take it after all. I just blew it! I told him, "You know what, don't tell me your plans anymore. You change your mind from one minute to another, your driving me crazy, do what you want" I went inside.

GRRRRRRRRRR I was soooooo upset!

Well after all that, I convienced him to go by plane and he said ok. I made sure he went and bought the tickets, before he changed his mind again.

Now, I've been crying and crying. Don't get me wrong I am happy that he is going. But, I am so used to him being around. I am afraid of him leaving me alone for six weeks, yes 6 weeks.

He takes such good care of me, he does everything for me. Yes, my son Carlos drives but it's not the same. My husband has me so spoiled that at night when I throw the covers off of me, he will wake up to make sure I am covered and that I am not cold. He spoils me and most of all like I said he takes care of me.

When he sees me crying he knows why I am crying and he tells me not to worry that he might not even stay over there all 6 weeks. But I know he will.

So you see I have been riding this emotional roller coaster up and down. He leaves this Thursday evening. So phriends if you don't see me in chat, it might be that I am just not up to it ok :)

Thanks for reading
(((((((HUGS)))))))

Received email from my daughter

This is my daughter Mercedes. Today I got a surprise from her. I came home from the store and like always I came into the PC room to check my emials and the PH boards. I had an email from my daughter. It was short but it was good to hear from her.

These were her exact words..... Hi mom, how are you doing and feeling? The boys want to know if you are doing anything for Carlos’ b-day?

Thank you
Mercedes Martin

This was my response.......Hi Mercedes,

I am trying to deal with my illness one day at a time. I have alot of side effects, that include nausea and chorro. I have no appetite sometimes and so far I've lost since Feb about 40 lbs. Thanks for asking. I will have a burger cookout, lil bit of meat for those that don't eat burgers and also cake. This will be on Sunday, Oct 5th anytime after 12pm. But I really need to know how many will come.

Mom

Did I give her to much info on how I am feeling? Maybe I sounded to short? I just don't want her to hurt me anymore. I have to be strong.... I am hoping the boys will come. I know she won't come she will probably just drop them off. But that's ok... I can deal with that.... It's a start right?

I want to thank all my phriends from chat that have supported me and been there for me, since I opened up and told them about my daughter. I was keeping all this inside of me for a long time and I was glad to share this with them and have there support :)

Hope you all have a good night :)

((((HUGS)))))

He loves me, he loves me not!

Yesterday I was in chat with my circle of phriends. Talking about everything, and like always the food conversation came up. All of a sudden I got a craving for a Lemon Icee. And the first place that came to my mind was Sonic Drive Inn, even though I have never been there. But I always see the commercials and they look so yummy! So while in chat I loooked one up in my area and the closest one I found was about 46 miles away from us. I said to the girls in chat. "Im going to go see how much my husband loves me, to see if he will take me to Sonic" And since I had gotten a lil upset with him earlier I was 100% sure he would say yes. Well he did, I came back and told the girls "He loves me", LOL
I called Sonic and they would not answer, Grrrrrrrrrr I was upset. Then I did another search and I found one about 25 miles away from us... even better! I called them and got directions and asked what time they closed? 1:00 am.... ohhh plenty of time to get there, LOL
I was still in chat and I told the girls.... He's taking me and I also said, he better have said yes.
So we went I had a Limeade w/cherry, it was soooooooo yummyyyyy. After we were done and ready to go my husband asks me Aren't you going to order another one? I said no, he kept insisting and finally said, I think you better order another one, so that tomorrow if you get the cravings you will have one already and he gave me a BIG smile :) So there I go like a good little girl, but this time I ordered a Lemon-Berry Slush. I brought it home and had my son put it in the freezer for me and I am going to have that later today, while in chat :)
Yummmmm, Yummmmmm


I'm baddddddd. Sometimes I feel guilty because, my husband will do whatever or take me where ever I ask him too and I feel like I'm taking of advantage of him. He has never complained though, LOL......... I love him and he loves me :)

Take care and thanks for reading.

(((((((HUGS)))))))

Breakfast and A Day At The Race Track

Yesterday I was out all day. My husband took me to breakfast. It was good, I actually did good in eating.
After that he went to Arcadia, CA to the opening day of Santa Anita Races ( for some reason, I think we like opening days :) We got 2 free mugs, which we never keep, just not a collector of racetrack mugs. It was hot inside so I spend the most part outside right in front of the track where the horses run. There was a breeze so it was ok. Of course I had to go back and forth to tell my husband what horses I wanted him to bet for me. But I was ok since I was in the powerchair. I have always liked the # 7 horse.
So I almost all the time bet on it, then I go by the name of the horse and last the jockey. My husband reads the racetrack forms and most of the time goes by the horse's record of running and winning. Well I didn't win, but my husband did. We were ready to leave (he had not won anything either) and I told him I was going to go buy some hot wings, to take to my son, he followed me and he ended up getting something also. Since I had to wait for the hot wings. I told him to go ahead and pay for his food and wait for me at the tables. By the time I got to him he was almost done eating. I was eating a piece of hot wing, when he gets up and tells me. You know what? I am not going to leave here without winning any money, so there he goes and bets on the next race. He picked # 4 and 3 exacta box and bet $40.00 on that race alone. He came back with his purchased ticket. While waiting for the race to start I told him I was going to the bathroom. I took about 10 minutes. Well when I came back he had a BIG smile from ear to ear. And he said I won! I thought maybe $100-$200 hundred dollars. Well let me tell ya. He won a little over $1700.00. It payed 80 to 1, whatever that means, LOL. Everyone was yaying for him :). He went and cashed in, asked for change gave the clerk a tip and a few of the guys that he had been talking too. It's a custom of some that when you win BIG thats its nice to share. So that the luck will continue. He then handed me the $$, he always does :) And we headed back home. I was tired but all in all, we had a good time and it was worth it!

BTW are we allowed to post 2 different topics in 1 day? Oh well...... I just did, LOL

Once again have a great day :)

Happy Tears :)

On Tuesday evening I got a call from the place that is handling the whole works on my new powerchair. It was finally good news! My Ins, approved it! I was soooo happy that I cried happy tears, something I had not done in a long time. I was in chat when I go the call and I just had to mention it to my phriends, of course being who they are, they were excited for me also.

I have been on a loner powerchair and I am grateful that I have it. But..... boy is it uncomfortable, you see this chair is for someone wayyyyy taller then me and bigger then me. My legs hang and get more tired, and since the seat is wider and longer then my behind, the seat hits right under my hind knees and it is very uncomfortable. So I am happy that soon I will have one the is fit for me :)

Thanks for reading, Have a great day :)

Raisin City, CA

From grapes To raisins

Last weekend my sister Martha, my sister Maria, my husband and I went on a little trip to Raisin City, Ca. (yes, thats what the city is actually called) It's about 25 miles South of Fresno, Ca. We went to visit my other sister Margarita, she lives in Raisin City with her husband. Her husband is in charge of the vineyard where they live. He has been working the vineyards since he was about 21 yrs old, he is now about 62, I think, LOL. At this vineyard the grapes are used for raisins, they are picked layed on thin paper and they are sun dried, after they are dried they are picked up and sold to the packers, that then clean them up and distribute to the grocery stores. SunMaid Raisins come from that area.

Once there Saturday morning, my 3 sisters and I headed over to Fresno for a yearly 2 mile yard sale. It was nice but very HOT. Even though I was in my powerchair I was tired at the end of the day. We stayed until Sunday afternoon then headed back home..... long drive! My husband drives slow so it takes us about 5-6 hours to get home, when we should really get home in 3 hrs :)

Oh well, at least we got home!

Me under a BIG Oak tree at the yard sale.

My husband in a Old Car at the Hotel where we stayed.

She will be missed

Yesterday I was out most of the morning. When I got back I came directly to PHA boards to see if there were any news on GeorgiaBrenda. What I had dreaded was posted. She had passed...... I was in shock, I could not believe it. I was SAD and ANGRY at the same time. This damned illness is trying to take us one by one. There comes a point that I am calm and relaxed and suddenly something like this happens and there comes the wake-up call. We never know!

Brenda was so dear always with good advice. She was the very first host that I met in the chat, she welcomed me with open arms, always making everyone newbie or oldie feel very comfortable and right at home. She always had some good advice and always tried to make peace in the PHA boards, when there was a dissagreament of any sort. never took sides. Always knew what to say.

Bren I will surely miss you alot, it saddens me that you are gone, but you are in a better place where you will feel no pain and you will not suffer, you now have your wings. And I know that you will be looking down on us, so calm and serene. Like a true angel. You were a great host and a phriend. You will be missed but never forgotten.

Dinner with my phriend Mason :)

I guess I waited to long to post this. But last week I was sorta stressed out. I was having Ins. problems again and I was also with nausea and no appetite.

And then I needed to get ready for a little weekend trip. But details on that will come on another post.

Last Tuesday my phriend Mason, my phriend Imelda, my son and his friend and I met at Olive Garden for dinner. It was phun. It was so good to see Mason he was as cute as always. I have missed him at our support group meetings. He has lost a little weight and he told me he was feeling fine. His appt was going to be at UCLA the next day. I hope everything went well for him and that he got good and encouraging news.

We took pictures and I am supposed to send them to Mason, so that he can post them or one on the board. We plan on having another get together next time he is in town. I am looking forward to that.

I am a little worried about my phriend JenC I just read another phriends post and she mentiones something about Jen's house being in the pathway of Ike.

Jen I hope that you are ok and that your house is ok also

(((((HUGS))))))))

Lemons and salt, I just gotta have them!

Yes, me and lemons and salt, have become real good buddies now. I just have to have them. I am cutting back on them but once in a while I have to have aleast half of one. And any other sour thing that I can come accross. Weird right'? Well maybe not. I just got off the phone with a phriend from our support group meeting and she tells me she is the same way. She is into the sour thingys like me :). Wow I was surprised. Here I thought I was the only weirdo having these cravings.

Ok, she tells me she doesnt eat, she has no appetite, food grosses her out! And guess what? It's the same with me. She has nausea and diarrhea. Yeap me too. She said she told her Dr about the sour cravings and he told her it was because of the meds. And of course some of the side effects of Remodulin are diarrhea and no appetite. She is on SubQ. It was a nice phone chat and we laughed as we told each other, ME TOO!! LOL

Well I have never mentioned it to Dr. C. I always forget, but I wrote it down so I will not forget and see what he tells me. Hopefully I won't forget to take my notes out when I go see him :)

Another note I am worried about my phriends, JenC and SheilaB from Texas. They posted that they have to evacuate. I did try calling JenC but the call would not go through. I don't know it it's because of the Hurricane. I pray that they are safe and out of the path of the hurricane.

(((((HUGS)))))))

Lasix anyone?

Ok now, So what's going on with me? I have been taking my lasix and potassium like any other day. Since Monday I have been running to the restroom like crazy and peeing like never before. Monday night I got a HORRIBLE leg cramp, OUCH! My back leg is still sore from that cramp. So Tuesday night I decided to take and extra potassium. I've done this before and its ok with Dr. And whoooopiiii NO cramps! It is weird for me because my lasix have never really worked that well for me. No matter what I always retained alot of fluid and my legs would swell like crazy. I am fianlly getting rid of all that fluid and I have no idea how I am doing it. My ankles are not kankles anymore :) I just hope I continue this way even though it means that I have to run and pee, LOL

Have a great day!

Cathy

I can smell that!

My husband tells me my nose is really sensitive to smells. Well it is true. Example we are in the car, he is driving I can smell onion and garlic being hauled in a truck miles away before it even passes us. And I tell him it smells like onions, he tells me I don't smell anything and about 15 minutes later there comes the truck! He tells me, you are right there comes your smell. I don't know why I am like that, it makes me mad sometimes. I have to carry some of the masks that I get from my supplier. And I actually wear it when I smell something that is yuckie to me. If I go into a public restroom and a Momma is changing her baby's diaper. I have to put a mask on! Yeah, I know, I know that's what restrooms are for and my younger sister has told me. Hey that's what restrooms are for, for people to go in and do their business. I tell her I know but I can't stand the smell. It really, really makes me want to puke. Before I got the GREAT idea of carrying some masks with me, I would just leave and try to go to a different restroom. I posted on the PH boards about IV Remodulin and the smell of it. I asked if anyone else could smell it. Well most said no, a few said yes. I was glad for those few that said yes because I thought it was just me and I was crazy. I can even smell it on me, like if it is coming out my pores! Weird hah? On my next appt I am going to have to mention it to my PH specialist.

Another thing is that I am freaking out because of the 3 lines infections that I had last time I was on IV Remodulin. I have been on it about the same amount of time as last time when I got them. And I am getting scared that I will end up with another one. It is stressing me out and it has gotten to a point that I am sick and tired of doing the change now! I know it's for the best that I am on it and I think of those lefties that can not be on PH meds. And I should be grateful that I am not a lefties and that I am able to be on it. But........ it is scaring me to death right now! The past few days I have also felt overwhelmed every time I do a change, it has gotten to a point that I tell my husband that I am sick and tired of all these dammed meds that I am on for PH! Every time my alarm goes off letting me know thats its time for Tracleer or for Revatio. It MAKES me MAD! How ungrateful I must sound. I should be happy that I am feeling better, right? But right now I can not feel that. I'm I feeling sorry for myself? I'm I having some pity days? I wish I knew because I don't even know. I hope that I did not ruin any one's day by posting this and I am sorry for venting like this and about this.

Remember my phriends that I WUV U LOTS!
(((((HUGS))))))

Cathy

Let's go to the fair!

I was at home when I get a phone call from my sister Martha. She asked me are you going to the fair? I said nooooo I don't think so. She tells me, no one invited you ha? I said no. She said well.... Do you want to go? I said yeah but who's going to help me with my chair. She usually does when we go places together. But I didn't want her helping because she is getting shots for low white cell count, that and the chemo really de-energize, LOL her. She tells me Diana (her daughter) is going and she can help with your chair. I said yupppieeeeee, LOL. My husband was walking out the door to go to work. And I asked him you wouldn't want to go to the fair also? You see they have horse races at the fair also and that's what he loves. So he said yes! I took a quick shower and off we went and we were to meet my sis and my niece over there. On our way over there, while on the freeway we saw a car on the side of the road and a older man walking up ahead. I said to my husband, poor guy he has to walk a longways. My hubby tells me should we go back and give him a ride? I said yeah. So we go off the freeway turned went back the other way, go off again and went back the way towards the man. He pulled over I asked him if he needed a ride, And he said yes. Poor guy was sweating alot! He took him to the nearest gas station, he bought a fuel tank, filled it up and we took him back to his car. My husband had to help him put the gas in his car because the man was having trouble doing it. We waited until he started his car and off we went to the fairWe finally got there and my sister was also pulling up at the same time into the parking lot. She rented a scooter. My husband went his way to the horse races and off we went our way to the exhibits. Boy was there alot of people. You see opening day is only ONE DOLLAR! per person. So you can imagine how packed it was. Later we had lunch and then continued with the exhibits. It was a fun day for us, very hot day but it was fun! We finally were so tired that we decided to leave. We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.I was so tired that I went to bed early. And of course got up earlier, LOL Well I guess this is it for now. Have a great weekend :)
(((((((HUGS))))))))
Cathy

Just some thoughts.

A couple of my dear phriends have helped me start this blog of MINE. I read alot of the blogs that many phriends write. They write whatever they please and desire and whatever they want to write about. Some blogs are funny, some interesting, some are happy, some silly and some are sad. One my phriends that helped me with my blog said to me......"And remember Cathy, this is your blog and you can write whatever you want" So with this I say to all those of you that for some reason or other have had to not blog or have had to delete something. Remember this is YOUR blog and you can write whatever you WANT!

((((((((HUGS))))))))
Cathy

Happy Birthday! Martha

Short but sweet :) Saturday was my sister Martha's 53rd B'day. We had a lil celebration at her daughters house. My sister had just had a round of Chemo last Wednesday, she was not as bad as last time but feeling a little yuckie. I have a neighbor that comes and cooks and cleans for me. Well she came over and made a BIG pot of chicken soup and rice so that I could take over for my sister. Besides what I took, there was beef fajitas, chicken fajitas, pork riblets, potato patties, beans, salad and lets not forget the salsa :) Oh yeah and the cutest lil cake with cupcakes around it! It looked yummy but of course I didnt eat any!
It was very nice and my sister enjoy it!
Hope you all have a pleasent Labor Day Monday!
(((((HUGS)))))
Cathy